How to Be a Multi-Orgasmic Man (Without Ejaculating) with Matt Sturn

Introduction to the Libido Lounge

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, I’m so excited to have you here today. We’re diving into one of the most profound discussions yet, exploring non-ejaculatory orgasms for men with our guest, Matt. Matt, tell us a little about yourself and how you got into supporting men with their sexuality and non-ejaculatory orgasms.

Matt: Thanks so much for having me, Diane. I’m stoked to be here. I coach men around sexuality and masculinity, which are big passions of mine. I’m also trained as a somatic therapist, bringing a trauma-informed and attachment-informed approach to my work. Learning non-ejaculatory orgasms was one of the most challenging yet rewarding things I’ve ever done. It transformed not just my sex life but how I show up as a man, and I’m passionate about helping other men on this journey.

Matt’s Personal Journey

Discovering Tantra and Sexuality

Dr. Diane: This is huge! Let’s dive into your story. Before writing your book and teaching these practices, how did you even learn about non-ejaculatory orgasms, and what made you decide this was important?

Matt: I was a pretty average guy with a corporate job. Sex was something I cared about but wasn’t particularly good at, and I carried shame from my Catholic upbringing and some sexual trauma. During a gap year traveling in Asia, my partner and I ended up at a tantra retreat in Thailand. We were struggling with our sex life, almost to the point of breaking up. At the retreat, we discovered a whole new framework: sexuality as sacred, our bodies as holy, and desire as life force energy. It was mind-blowing. They taught us simple practices like slowing down, breathing, and feeling the body. The first time we tried, we had sex for 45 minutes, and we were both crying, overwhelmed by the connection.

Retraining Arousal Response

Matt: That experience reoriented my approach to sex. I started a daily sexual practice with my partner, focusing on retraining my arousal response and nervous system. I was a mathematician by training, so the concept of energy was foreign to me. But slowly, I started feeling it in my body, and it was real. This unlocked incredible results for both me and my partner.

Dr. Diane: I love that. As someone with a doctorate in acupuncture and Oriental medicine, I relate to discovering energy, like qi in Chinese medicine. That moment of realizing it’s real is powerful. Your story shows the human body’s capacity to heal and be fully present, expanding beyond the linear way we often approach sex.

Understanding Non-Ejaculatory Orgasms

Orgasm vs. Ejaculation

Dr. Diane: Let’s break this down. What’s the difference between orgasm and ejaculation, and how do they relate to non-ejaculatory orgasms?

Matt: Orgasm is the pleasurable, subtle energy sensation in the body. Ejaculation is the physiological process of pumping sperm out. Growing up, I assumed they were the same because of porn, pop culture, and every conversation I had. The first step is recognizing they’re separate. Once you achieve an energetic peak of pleasure without ejaculation, you can have those peaks repeatedly, similar to how women can have multiple orgasms. Men can learn this too, and it’s pretty cool.

The Multi-Orgasmic Man

Dr. Diane: So, we’re talking about the multi-orgasmic man. Now that we’ve clarified these are separate processes, a common question is: how do men control this? How do you experience pleasure without ejaculating?

Matt: In my book, I outline five steps to orgasmic mastery, starting with arousal control. I’ve been practicing this for a decade through a daily self-pleasure practice. It’s not goal-oriented; it’s about breathing deeply, connecting with my body, and feeling pleasure. Imagine a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 is no arousal and 10 is peak orgasm. We aim for 5 to 7—high enough to stay aroused but with a safe buffer to avoid spilling over. This “flyover territory” is a rich playground where you can stay aroused for hours.

Techniques for Arousal Control

Daily Self-Pleasure Practice

Matt: My self-pleasure practice is solo, allowing me to cultivate arousal and bring that energy to my partner. Most men, like me growing up, train their bodies to climax quickly through fast masturbation, often due to shame or fear of getting caught. We need to retrain the nervous system to hang out in that 5 to 7 range, touching the body, breathing deeply, and feeling pleasure without rushing.

Dr. Diane: That makes sense. Studies show most people masturbate in a narrow, goal-oriented way, aiming for quick orgasm. Does this make it harder to sustain arousal with a partner?

Matt: Completely. If I only touch myself one way, and my partner doesn’t replicate that, I might not get aroused or could experience erectile dysfunction. Expanding your self-pleasure practice to include varied sensations—light tickling, rough grabbing, scratching—unlocks a full range of pleasure you can bring to partnered sex.

Partner Communication

Dr. Diane: I’ve seen couples use the 0-to-10 scale to communicate arousal levels, like saying, “I’m at a 5.” Do you incorporate this with partners to make it a shared process?

Matt: Absolutely, communication is essential. Learning this takes discipline and practice, like driving a stick shift for the first time. You need to enroll your partner, explaining your goal to stay in the 5 to 7 zone. Without this, it can feel awkward or emotionally hurtful if they don’t understand. When partners are on board, it’s the key to success, allowing you to play in that zone together.

Benefits of Non-Ejaculatory Orgasms

Enhanced Pleasure and Connection

Dr. Diane: This sounds amazing—lasting longer, providing more pleasure. But what other benefits have you seen for men and their partners?

Matt: I spoke to women whose partners learned this, and they said the best part is there’s no agenda around ejaculation. It removes the goal-oriented pressure, keeping you in the present moment. For men, the biggest benefit is conserving life force energy. Ejaculation expends energy, and after stopping, I felt a fog lift. I had incredible focus, clarity, and vitality, waking up knowing what to do and doing it. In Chinese medicine, this is jing, our essence. I didn’t realize what constant ejaculation was costing me until I stopped.

Spiritual and Mystical Experiences

Matt: Beyond energy, the sex levels up. Having orgasm after orgasm, entering extended rolling orgasmic states, and moving that energy through different body centers, like the crown, can lead to profound mystical experiences. It opened my spiritual path in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

Dr. Diane: That’s beautiful. In Chinese medicine, we talk about microcosm and macrocosm—energies in nature mirrored in our bodies. These practices reconnect us to that.

Balancing Ejaculation and Non-Ejaculation

Ejaculatory Choice

Dr. Diane: My partner is great at edging, and we have long love-making sessions. But sometimes, ejaculation feels healing for him, grounding intense yang energy. How do you balance non-ejaculatory orgasms with occasional ejaculation?

Matt: I call it ejaculatory choice. Instead of ejaculation driving sex unconsciously, you choose intentionally. Every man’s system is unique, so I encourage experimenting like a scientist. I’ve gone over a year without ejaculating, staying sexually active and feeling great after an adjustment period. I’ve also ejaculated once a month with a partner during her cycle, a powerful, shamanic act that deepened our bond but cost me some energy. There’s no right or wrong—just feel what works for your body.

Prostate Health and Research

Matt: On prostate health, academic research lacks consensus. Some studies suggest frequent ejaculation cleans the system; others say it doesn’t matter. Without clear evidence, listen to your body.

Dr. Diane: I agree, sexual health research is limited, and we need to trust our bodies.

Sacred Connections and Intentionality

Deepening Bonds

Dr. Diane: You mentioned ejaculating with a former partner during her cycle as a sacred act. Did she notice anything unique about that experience?

Matt: It was powerful for both of us—vulnerable, meaningful, with an alchemy at the body level. Offering my life force deepened our bond, a beautiful act of devotion beyond physical closeness.

Connecting with Nature

Matt: I’ve also practiced offering my seed to the land, connecting with nature. In a culture disconnected from the earth, this brought me into deep alignment, opening new ways to be intentional with my sexuality.

Dr. Diane: That’s profound. Many women do similar ceremonies with menstrual blood, aligning with nature’s cycles. It’s about reconnecting the microcosm of our bodies with the macrocosm of the world.

Matt’s Book and Broader Mission

The Warrior Archetype

Matt: My new book, the second in a series on masculinity, focuses on the warrior archetype. Initially, I thought non-ejaculatory orgasms belonged in the lover archetype, but I realized my warrior—dedication and focus—taught me this practice. The book covers yoga, meditation, breathwork, and self-pleasure for non-ejaculatory orgasms, plus explores male violence and how to integrate primal drives for good.

Empowering Men

Matt: The benefits for men include more focus, energy, and elevated sex. It’s about showing up differently as a man, and I’m passionate about sharing these practices to support others.

Closing and Resources

Dr. Diane: Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge. Please share this with your friends. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!