How to Find Pleasure by Being Present | Tips from Callie David Ep 65

Welcome to the Libido Lounge

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge. We focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is as important to health as exercise and good food.

Dr. Diane: Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode on the Lounge. I’m your libido expert, Dr. Diane Mueller, and I’m thrilled to be introducing you guys to another dear friend of mine, Cali David. We’re going to talk about so many great things today!

Dr. Diane: First, let me introduce Cali. She’s an amazing holistic somatic therapist with a background in family and marriage counseling. She’s also a very dear friend of mine. Today, we’re diving into a conversation about presence — the concept that to feel pleasure, we must be in our body and present to our surroundings and emotions.

What Does It Mean to Be Present in the Body?

Dr. Diane: Let’s start with the foundation. Cali, in your work with holistic somatic therapy, how do you define presence or being inside one’s body?

Cali: I get that question all the time. To be in your body means to slow down enough to feel physical sensations — not even talking about processing emotions yet, just being able to feel your breath down to your toes, your sit bones. Most of the time, we’re in our head, which means we’re in the past or the future, not in the now.

Presence and the Experience of Pleasure

Dr. Diane: How do you connect that idea of presence to pleasure and libido?

Cali: When people hear “pleasure,” they think dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin — it must feel gooey, yummy, and delightful. But pleasure can also be found in moments of angst, despair, sadness, and frustration. When we allow what’s coming through without rejecting it, we open up pathways.

Cali: When we break out of the paradigm that pleasure has to feel good, we can allow emotions to move through us — and that can actually be pleasurable. That’s when we become inner alchemists of our experiences.

Dr. Diane: That’s so powerful. It reminds me of when you and I met in sensual dance class — how we were embodying every emotion, from joy to grief, in our bodies. It’s a really new concept for many. How does the mental mind process the idea that grief or anger can coexist with pleasure?

Cali: First, just allow it not to make sense. The mind will try to make sense of it by default. We’re not trying to cut off the ego or the mind — just notice the thoughts without attaching shame. The more we let the mind chatter be, the faster we come back to the present.

How to Handle Wandering Thoughts During Intimacy

Dr. Diane: I love that. It makes me think of how often women, especially, find their minds wandering during sex — thinking about the grocery list or tomorrow’s plans. That’s so common.

Cali: Totally. I was just reflecting on that this morning. I noticed how I was staying in my head and avoiding presence. Instead of shaming myself, I met that thought with some kink and play — like “Oh, you like staying in your head today?” That playfulness brought me right back into my body.

Dr. Diane: That self-compassion and kink is everything! Shame gets in the way of pleasure so often. And when we shift that narrative, it can really change our experience.

Sensory Practices for Returning to Presence

Practical Tools to Reconnect

Dr. Diane: What are some tangible techniques and starting points you use in your work to help people get into their bodies?

Cali: I love keeping it simple. No matter where you are on your journey, it starts with presence. I use the senses — that’s where sensuality really begins.

Cali: First, create a sense of safety. Notice where you are — your walls, your environment. What do you see? If you feel safe, close your eyes and start to hear. But not just “I hear birds” — ask, how does the sound feel in your body?

Cali: Use your breath. Let it drop into your belly. That’s your life force. If you’re not breathing, you’re not allowing the experience to fully soak in.

Dr. Diane: That’s such a deep layer — not just noticing the sound but noticing how it interacts with your body. That’s really beautiful.

Daily Practices and Intimate Connection

Dr. Diane: Let’s talk libido. Do you see these presence practices as things people do daily or also within intimate moments?

Cali: Yes, to both. The practice you cultivate on your own is how you’ll show up with your partner. If you’re struggling with low libido, it’s about simplicity — and removing shame.

Cali: I always recommend couples have their own practices. You can increase life force with breathwork. One of my favorites is practicing presence before intimacy — eye gazing, breathing together, gentle touch — not jumping into foreplay, but using that as connection.

Eye Gazing and Consensual Touch Exercises

Erotic Energy Without Intercourse

Cali: Eye gazing is one of my favorite tools. If it makes you uncomfortable, even better — that’s where the medicine is. Just sit with your partner, look into their left eye, and stay in your body.

Cali: Presence isn’t about merging — it’s about being with yourself while connecting. Notice what comes up. Then you can add consensual touch — like a hand on a leg. Feel what that does in your body. The breath will start syncing naturally. You’ll feel the erotic energy build even before anything physical happens.

Dr. Diane: I love that so much. For long-term couples who feel like they’ve lost their way or don’t know how to flirt anymore, this is gold. Even eye gazing is foreplay — it’s playful, erotic, safe. It helps people reconnect without rushing or forcing.

A Somatic Breathwork Practice

Dr. Diane: Now let’s move into the breathwork practice you’re offering. But before we do, can you share how people can connect with you and get your free breathwork gift?

Cali: Absolutely. I’d be honored to share a free breath and somatic practice with your audience. It helps you stay present, and you can use it alone or with your partner.

Cali: You can find me on Instagram @cali.david or at mylibidodoc.com. And I have an upcoming group program called Beloved — details will be in the show notes!