How to Get Pregnant (and enjoy it!) if Your Libido is Low with Dr. Susan Fox | Ep 43

How to Get Pregnant (and Enjoy It!) if Your Libido is Low
Libido Lounge Episode 43 with Dr. Susan Fox

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is as important to health as exercise and good food. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode on the Lounge. I’m your libido expert, Dr. Diane Mueller. I’m so excited about my guest and dear friend, Dr. Susan Fox, who is a fertility expert.

You might be wondering why we’re talking about fertility on a libido show, but you’re about to see just how connected these topics are. We often talk about the vicious cycles we get into with libido and stress and how medicine intersects with that — fertility and infertility are prime examples. Today, we’re going to explore how to approach baby-making in a way that uses our libido to stay relaxed, reduce stress, and avoid those negative feedback loops.

Dr. Diane: Welcome, welcome, welcome, Dr. Susan!

Dr. Susan: Ah, thank you, Dr. Diane, I’m so happy to be here with you. It’s such a pleasure. Let’s jump right in!

How Stress Can Disrupt Fertility and Libido

Dr. Diane: You coach a lot of women and couples. How do you help them stay emotionally connected and keep their libido healthy during this exciting but also stressful time?

Dr. Susan: It’s a great question and one that comes up all the time. When people decide, “This is the month we want to try,” they often get out of their bodies and into their heads. Even though estrogen is rising naturally and should make us juicy and horny, the stress of scheduling and performance pressure elevates cortisol and gets us off rhythm.

I encourage people to begin softening around 7 p.m. — light a candle, drink a delicious cup of tea, talk sexy, touch yourself or your partner. This is where my Chinese medicine background comes in: 7 p.m. is the time of the pericardium, the energetic wrapping around the heart. So it’s about opening the heart, softening, connecting with your sensuality, and stoking that fire.

Getting in the Mood (Before You Think You Should)

Dr. Diane: I love that — “stroke the fire”! Women often need more time to get in the mood, and baby-making isn’t just about that one moment of intimacy. It’s about how we orient our whole lives around the process.

Dr. Susan: Exactly. It’s more than just “rub rub ejaculate.” A woman’s orgasm can help natural conception by drawing sperm up the vaginal canal, but orgasm isn’t required.

Dr. Diane: That’s important to normalize. Some women struggle with orgasm, and I want them to know it’s okay — you can still get pregnant and have beautiful intimacy even if orgasm is elusive.

Dr. Susan: Yes! The intimacy and the act itself — that’s the real spark. Enjoyment, being relaxed, connecting with your sensual nature — that’s what matters most.

Turning Yourself On Starts Earlier in the Day

Dr. Diane: What else can women do during the day to get their libido juiced up and ready for baby-making time?

Dr. Susan: Start early! Morning sunlight helps set your circadian rhythm and lowers stress hormones like cortisol by the time evening arrives. Hydration, nourishing food, sensual self-care — like applying lotion or oil to your body — all help you feel more connected to your sensuality.

Dr. Diane: Yes, awaken the body throughout the day! And with all the erogenous zones we have, even the simple act of lovingly applying lotion can be erotic.

What If You Don’t Feel Comfortable in Your Body?

Dr. Diane: What about when someone feels disconnected from their body — maybe they’ve overeaten, they’re postpartum, or just not feeling confident? How do we keep the flame alive when we’re not feeling sexy?

Dr. Susan: That’s a great point. If we’re not loving our own bodies, it’s harder to evoke that feeling externally. I suggest a little “fake it till you make it” — sometimes discipline helps, like applying lotion and suddenly you feel something.

Ask yourself: what used to light you up as a teen? Singing? Dancing? Do that! Shake it off, literally. And when you hear that negative self-talk, catch it. If you don’t love your hips, what about your hands, your eyes, your cheeks? We’re not just one body part.

Dr. Susan: Sensualization — not sexualizing — is the goal. Love yourself, and then be in love and make love.

Sometimes Arousal Comes Later (And That’s Okay)

Dr. Diane: That’s so good. I talk about Rosemary Basson’s model of arousal — where sometimes, for women, arousal comes after we start engaging. Like 20 minutes in, we realize, “Oh, I’m glad I’m doing this.”

Dr. Susan: Yes! If your planned time together is later in the evening, begin earlier with appreciating yourself. Turn yourself on — don’t wait for someone else to do it for you.

Dr. Diane: Exactly. It’s amazing when partners turn us on, but ultimately, it’s our own responsibility. When we take ownership of that, it gets deeper and juicier, no matter what happens next.

You Are the CEO of Your Sensual Experience

Dr. Susan: I’m a little biased, but in my experience, the feminine creates the environment. That’s our CEO role — to decide what we want this to look like.

Whether it’s satin sheets, lavender in the room, or music playing — we are setting the stage. Ask yourself, “Who am I today? What do I want?” Then set the vibe accordingly.

Dr. Diane: Yes! I work with archetypes — the CEO, the timid one, the seductress. It’s like asking which part of me is showing up tonight. And in Chinese medicine, red is the color of the heart — maybe wear red, eat red foods like strawberries or raspberries, or even lobster. Just find those things that remind you of your sensual, juicy self.

Bringing Connection Back to Fertility

Dr. Diane: In your work with couples, you support them emotionally, physically, relationally — all of it, right?

Dr. Susan: Yes. Often, people come to me just before beginning IVF — they’re overwhelmed and in their heads. I help them take a step back and reconnect with why they want to do this: love and partnership.

The IVF process can feel clinical and even create tension. But I remind people that even though medical procedures are involved, it’s still happening with your body — you’re still part of nature, and you want to nurture your nature.

Dr. Diane: That’s such a beautiful reframe. IVF doesn’t have to take us out of our bodies. We can still stay present, sensual, and connected throughout.

How to Connect with Dr. Susan Fox

Dr. Diane: I’m so glad we got to have this conversation today. You’re such an amazing resource, and I want to make sure people know how to find you.

Dr. Susan: Thank you! If you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area and want to see me in person, visit drsusanfox.com.
If you’re outside that area and want to connect for coaching, go to healthuniversity.co — “University” is spelled Y-O-O, so it’s the University of You.
And if fertility is a question for yourself or someone you love, start with our quiz at yourfertilityquiz.com.

Dr. Diane: Perfect, we’ll have all those links in the show notes. Thank you so much for being here today, Dr. Susan!

You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!