Pelvic Healing Secrets with Caitlin Arce | Ep 51

Welcome to The Libido Lounge: Healing Trauma & Boosting Libido through Embodiment

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is just as important to your health as exercise and good food. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode on The Lounge. I’m your host, libido expert Dr. Diane, and I’m thrilled today about our next guest, Caitlyn Aray, a friend of mine from very exciting sensual dance classes that I’ve talked about on this show before.

We’re going to dive into the juicy details of her work as an embodiment coach, psychotherapist, and leader in women’s arts—really helping women find the temple of the feminine inside. We’re covering so many vital themes: how to listen to your body, how to heal traumas that impact libido, and how to reconnect with pleasure.

Before we dive into the conversation, a reminder: it’s Sexy Season! That means when you rate or review this podcast and share it with your friends, send us a screenshot. You’ll be entered into our raffles and giveaways. We’re giving away memberships to our monthly libido platform—packed with info, talks, labs, and more. And one lucky winner will get free admission into my 21-Day Desired Libido Jumpstart Deep Dive, a $1,000 value! So get those reviews out—we appreciate you so much.

Listening to the Body When Pleasure Feels Far Away

Dr. Diane: Caitlyn, welcome to the show! I’m so happy to have you on The Lounge.

Caitlyn: Thanks so much for having me, Diane. I’m really excited for today’s topic. So much of libido, in my view, comes down to presence. Pleasure is the practice of presence—and without presence, it’s hard to experience real pleasure.

Dr. Diane: Absolutely. You’re so gifted at helping people listen to their bodies. So where do we even start if we’re feeling numb or disconnected from pleasure?

Caitlyn: The first step is simply learning to listen to your body—period. Pleasure is one sensation among many. And for a lot of people I work with, especially trauma survivors or those invalidated in childhood, there’s a disconnection from bodily sensation.

Dr. Diane: I love that distinction—big T versus little t trauma. There’s more awareness now around how these little t traumas build up in the body. Can you share examples?

Understanding “Little t” Trauma and How It Affects Libido

Caitlyn: Sure. One example from my own life—when I started doing womb healing, I realized I was often mentally checking out during intimacy. I’d start thinking about my grocery list. I wasn’t fully present, even though I was physically there. My ex was a great man, but I wasn’t listening to my own needs. That disconnect would pull me out of the moment.

Dr. Diane: Yes! I’ve literally done a podcast on “grocery list brain” during sex. It’s such a relatable example. And it highlights how the mind can’t stay present when the body doesn’t feel safe.

Caitlyn: Exactly. Especially for those with wombs—or who once had a womb—we hold so much energetically in that space. And we can’t access true pleasure until that space feels safe and open.

The Power of the Body’s “No”

Dr. Diane: So, tell us about what we were talking about offline—the power of the body’s “no.” You said something that stuck with me: it’s not just about overriding the no; the no itself is valuable. Can you expand on that?

Caitlyn: A lot of the women I work with are carrying around a backlog of “no’s” they ignored. That might look like saying yes to sex when you’re not ready, going along with something because you’re trying to be easygoing, or pushing yourself too fast because of limited time. Every time we do that, we teach our body not to trust us. And when the body doesn’t trust us, it shuts down pleasure.

Dr. Diane: So the real issue isn’t just what happened externally, but that we didn’t listen to our own boundaries?

Caitlyn: Exactly. I see clients who can’t get aroused, who have pelvic pain, or who go through the motions of sex without actually enjoying it. Their body is trying to protect them—because it’s been trained to expect that its “no” won’t be respected.

The Right Kind of Sex: Learning to Trust Yourself

Dr. Diane: In my program, I talk about having “the right kind of sex”—not right by cultural standards, but right for your body. What you’re describing is exactly that. When we override the body’s no, we’re having the wrong kind of sex for us.

Caitlyn: Yes! It’s about knowing your own limits, your own rhythms. In a safe partnership, of course we can explore our partner’s desires. But as a baseline, we need to trust that if something doesn’t feel right, we’re going to listen to that.

Needs vs. Preferences: Learning the Difference

Dr. Diane: How do we differentiate between a hard no—a need—and a softer no—a preference?

Caitlyn: Great question. It takes practice, and it’s a skill anyone can learn. One way is to start with self-touch—not necessarily sexual. Touch your hand, your arms, explore different sensations. Ask yourself: do I like this? Is this okay, or does it feel like too much? Build that awareness in low-stakes situations so you can recognize it during intimacy.

Dr. Diane: That’s such a helpful tool. It also helps to check in by asking: is this something I really dislike, or just not my favorite? That way we build discernment.

Caitlyn: Yes, and it’s fun to make it a partner practice too. Set a timer—20 minutes where they explore different kinds of touch, and you give feedback. Then switch. It makes communication safer and sex more playful.

Saying Yes to Pleasure

Dr. Diane: So, once we’re listening to our no’s, how do we lean more into the body’s yes?

Caitlyn: Make it neutral. Pleasure is more accessible when we’re not pushing toward a goal. One exercise I give clients is breast and belly massage—just asking your body, how do you want to be touched today? There’s a traditional method I teach, but then I always say: now that you know the chocolate chip recipe, you can start adding your own flair.

Dr. Diane: I love that—give them the recipe, then make it your own. And when we feel supported, it’s easier to explore safely and discover what we really like.

Special Gift for Listeners: Womb Clearing Meditation

Dr. Diane: Before we wrap up, I want to share a special offer for our listeners. Caitlyn is offering her beautiful Womb Clearing Meditation for just $5—that’s $10 off! We’ll include the link in the show notes.

Caitlyn: Thanks, Diane. The meditation is designed to help people energetically release what’s being held in the womb space. Whether it’s trauma, old emotions, or energetic weight, it’s a gentle but powerful tool for reconnecting with your feminine body.

Dr. Diane: Thank you, Caitlyn, for sharing your wisdom today. This was such a rich conversation.

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