Sex After Mastectomy: How Amy Rowan Reclaimed Her Body Confidence and Libido | Ep 47

Podcast Transcript: Sex After Mastectomy: How Amy Rowan Reclaimed Her Body Confidence and Libido

Episode 47 | The Libido Lounge with Dr. Diane

Welcome to The Libido Lounge

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is as important to health as exercise and good food. Everybody, welcome back to another episode on the Libido Lounge. I’m your host, libido expert Dr. Diane Mueller. I’m thrilled to have Amy Rowan, the Suburban Sexologist and a sex and intimacy coach, here with me today. Thank you so much for joining me, Amy.

Amy Rowan: Thank you so much for having me here, Dr. Diane. I’m so excited to be speaking with you and I’m just really excited to be chatting with you and your audience today.

Dr. Diane: Yeah, it’s really going to be a good topic. You know, it’s like what we were talking about offline—this need for discussing what happens post-mastectomy in terms of libido, sex, relationships, and the sense of reclaiming ourselves as women. So can you start by telling us what that process was like for you, and how it impacted your relationships, libido, and sexuality? Especially during the healing process after your double mastectomy?

Navigating the Shock of Diagnosis and Surgery

Amy Rowan: Absolutely. I was diagnosed at age 38—so kind of on the younger side—with no family history. It was a total shock. I remember when I found out I’d be having a double mastectomy, I went online trying to do research—like, what is sex going to be like? What will I look like? I had so many questions and couldn’t really find answers. It felt like a big blank space.

When I woke up after surgery, my body was completely different, covered in scars. So much of how I’d defined myself as a woman had changed. I had to ask myself—who am I now?

Reclaiming My Body After Mastectomy

Dr. Diane: So you wake up and have this moment of, “What does this mean for me as a woman?” What was your next step? How did you begin to reclaim your femininity and get to know your new body?

Amy Rowan: It’s kind of funny—and maybe I was a little crazy—but what was really important to me was knowing my body still worked. I wanted to know if I could still experience pleasure. Two weeks after my surgery, even while still wearing weird garments, I looked at my husband and said, “Let’s get some pillows and figure this out.” I just needed to know what my body could do.

What I didn’t realize then, but I’m glad I did it, is that I kicked the elephant out of the room. I said, “Okay, things are different. I don’t have nipples. But I’m not going to let this define me.” I approached my husband with honesty—we didn’t know what was going to happen. I might cry, I might feel nothing. But we went for it.

It helped bridge a gap between us. He didn’t want to pressure me, but I made the first move, and that created space for healing and reconnection.

Reengaging Sexually—Breaking the Silence

Dr. Diane: That analogy of “ripping off the Band-Aid” really resonates—even for couples who haven’t had sex in a while. Just doing the thing, awkward or not. So once you started engaging again, how was it for your libido? Did it take time to turn back on?

Amy Rowan: I think ripping off the Band-Aid helped. There were definitely areas my husband was afraid to touch—because of scars and healing. I remember asking him, “Run your hand across my body. Let’s find out where I have feeling and where I don’t.” That acknowledgment was important.

Personally, I’ve always had a high libido. And actually, sex is my stress relief. For me, it became a tool for healing—maintaining the bond with my husband, reconnecting with myself, and reclaiming my body. Yes, I looked different in the mirror, but I was still a sexual being.

Rebuilding Confidence Through Intimacy

Dr. Diane: So engaging in sex again, and exploring with your husband, actually helped you feel more confident and whole?

Amy Rowan: Absolutely. It helped rebuild confidence—even more than before. Like many women, I had body confidence issues. But confronting it instead of sweeping it under the rug was powerful. I took the power back. I said, “I lost my boobs, but that’s all you get to take from me.”

Real Talk About Communication with Your Partner

Dr. Diane: Let’s talk about communication. Whether someone’s gone through surgery or just stress in general, what strategies worked for you and your husband during this time?

Amy Rowan: What’s most important is feeling seen. In a caregiver-recovery dynamic, people often don’t say things because they’re afraid of how it’ll be interpreted. But it’s important to say things like, “You look beautiful today,” or “Can I give you a kiss?” Even just asking for permission creates safety and connection.

We couldn’t hug for a long time, so we found other ways to connect—interlocking legs on the couch, holding hands. Little nonsexual touches that still provided affection. That oxytocin release is powerful. And if sex is off the table for a while, that physical intimacy keeps the connection alive.

How We Adapted: From Leg Hugs to Loving Moments

Dr. Diane: That’s a beautiful strategy—adapting. I’m curious, were you guys consciously planning these things or did it happen more naturally?

Amy Rowan: It was more natural. We’re just an affectionate family. But I do remember consciously figuring out how to explain things to our kids. At the time they were 3, 6, and 9. A three-year-old doesn’t understand “no hugs,” so I taught him to give me leg hugs. That kind of intentionality trickled into our marriage, too.

Foundational Communication Tools for Every Relationship

Dr. Diane: For anyone listening—whether they’ve had a mastectomy or are just facing challenges—are there communication fundamentals you recommend?

Amy Rowan: Ask the question. Say, “I want to touch you, how can I do that in a way that feels good for you?” Don’t be afraid of asking the wrong question—saying nothing is worse. And if someone says no, let them respond with a “not right now, but later.” That keeps the door open.

Final Words of Wisdom

Dr. Diane: Anything else you want to share before we wrap up today?

Amy Rowan: Yes. Don’t be afraid. You may not know what this journey looks like, but walk it together. Surgery or cancer may change your life, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have satisfying intimacy. It might be different—but sometimes different brings creativity, and that’s when things can get really fun.

If you want to keep intimacy in your life, it’s absolutely possible. There’s always hope. Just reach out to your partner and tell them you love them and want to figure it out.

Free Gifts and Final Notes

Dr. Diane: Love it. And thank you so much for spending time with us today. I know you have a couple of gifts for our audience. Can you tell us about those?

Amy Rowan: Absolutely! I’ve got two free gifts. The first is Five Tips for Sexy Scheduled Sex—I’m a big advocate for planned intimacy. The second is my Sexy Summer Bucket List, which helps you create fun, connecting experiences with your partner all summer long.

Dr. Diane: Amazing. We’ll have everything linked in the show notes, including how to connect with Amy and grab those gifts.

You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!