The Feminine Rebellion: Reclaiming Pleasure and Power with Melissa Louise

Introduction to the Libido Lounge

Dr. Diane: Welcome back to another episode on the Libido Lounge. I’m your host and board-certified sexologist, Dr. Diane, and I have a treat for you today. We often talk about the importance of pleasure, a pivotal topic that goes beyond just sex or intimacy. Pleasure is as vital as good food, movement, water, and other self-care practices. Today, I’m excited to introduce Melissa Louise, a pleasure advocate and erotic blueprint coach who works globally, helping men and women find their attraction within and become their own turn-on. We’ll focus on pleasure, your why, how to overcome barriers, and so much more. Welcome, Melissa!

Melissa Louise: Oh my goodness, Diane, I’m so excited for this conversation. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Dr. Diane: Same here! There’s so much alignment between us on the topic of pleasure. Let’s dive into why pleasure matters for physical, emotional, and spiritual health, and how it’s more than just an intimate moment.

The Origins of a Pleasure Revolution

Questioning Cultural Norms

Melissa Louise: My journey began in Australia, raised on a farm where anything feminine was considered defunct. You had to produce, work, and prioritize labor over everything else. I saw misery in the women around me—illness, shame about our menstrual cycles, and the stigma that liking sex was a flaw. I was raised Christian, so I questioned why God would create everything perfectly but make women defective for having a menstrual cycle or enjoying sex. That’s where it all started.

Global Observations and Rebellion

Melissa Louise: I traveled extensively in Central and South America and India when I was younger. I noticed the masculine project—systems devoid of women’s autonomy, sovereignty, and pleasure. It sparked a revolution in me, a rebellion to learn more. I discovered that an unhealthy menstrual cycle and lack of pleasure in relationships stem from this systemic dismissal of the feminine. Half the planet is female, and every person comes from a woman’s body, yet the female experience is ignored.

Pleasure as Essential Self-Care

Beyond Intimacy

Dr. Diane: Pleasure is often reduced to sex or intimacy, but it’s so much more. People think it’s okay to neglect it, but for those of us who study sex, pleasure is as critical as other self-care practices. Melissa, how did you come to see pleasure as more than just an intimate moment?

Melissa Louise: It’s not a short answer, but I’ll try. Growing up in the Western world, especially in rural Australia, the feminine was dismissed. Women were expected to be closed off, ashamed of their bodies and desires. I saw this in marriages, relationships, and the broader masculine project I witnessed globally. Pleasure became a rebellion—a way to reclaim health, autonomy, and joy. When we lack pleasure, our menstrual health suffers, and relationships falter. It’s about taking responsibility for our own pleasure.

The Stigma of Self-Pleasure

Dr. Diane: That’s so relatable. Many women give their lives in service—whether in careers, as mothers, or caregivers—and there’s a stigma that self-care or self-pleasure comes at the expense of service. But pleasure enables all those other roles to thrive. How do you see pleasure impacting physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health?

Melissa Louise: The world runs on a testosterone-driven, masculine model—work, produce, follow the sun’s 24-hour cycle. Men’s bodies align with this; they have 13-15% more testosterone, the “get things done” hormone. Women operate on a lunar cycle, with 13 moon cycles in a year. When women are forced into the masculine cycle, we’re in constant depletion. Menopause, high cortisol, and low libido aren’t natural; they’re cultural. Our cortisol spikes, messing with our health and ability to think clearly.

Rebooting Through Pleasure

Pleasure as a Biological Need

Melissa Louise: Women need breaks every hour and a half to two hours to reboot dopamine through pleasure. Pleasure isn’t just orgasm—it’s how we eat, standing in the sunshine, or taking 10 deep breaths. Science now proves this, but women have always known it. We’re orgasmic by nature—our system is erotic, from how we love, touch our children, or create beauty in our homes. Yet, pleasure is vilified, removed from the human experience. It’s essential for relationships, family, brain, heart, and hormonal health. The pharmaceutical industry profits by dismissing pleasure.

Dr. Diane: I feel frustration around how female anatomy is described—like comparing the clitoris to male anatomy. Women’s bodies are unique, not a version of the masculine. We’re structured differently, and both are perfect in their uniqueness. Ignoring this harms women’s ability to experience pleasure and orgasm.

Taking Responsibility for Pleasure

Melissa Louise: Pleasure is our responsibility. It starts with knowing our bodies—how we respond to touch, what our orgasmic gateways need. The labia is the first gateway, exquisite but often closed until we feel safe. Our arousal map is opposite to a man’s, so we need boundaries: “Not yet,” “Slow down,” or “I need this first.” It’s about removing penetration as the default goal and honoring what our body needs. It’s like learning to drive a manual car—you need lessons to understand your body’s needs.

Dr. Diane: So well said. There’s this obligatory feeling sometimes—like, “I’m here, naked, so I have to go through with it.” But we have the right to say, “This isn’t what I want right now” or “I want it slower.” Expecting men to read our minds is unfair.

Melissa Louise: Exactly. It’s unfair to men too. Men keep moving toward fixing the “problem” of pleasure or orgasm, but if we’re silent, they’re left guessing. A man’s approach is A + B = C, but women are complex—X, Y, Z, W, and more. Faking orgasms complicates things, sending the wrong signal that what they’re doing works.

Emasculation and Its Impact

The Dynamics of Emasculation

Dr. Diane: In your work, you talk about emasculation—men emasculating themselves and women emasculating men. How does this play into the conversation around pleasure?

Melissa Louise: Emasculation creates disconnection. Men I work with know they’re being emasculated but often tolerate it, which separates them from their partner. Women say, “He doesn’t listen, I’ve told him so many times,” and men feel, “Why bother? It’s always wrong.” As Allison Armstrong says, women treat men like misbehaving hairy women. We criticize men as we criticize ourselves, but criticism doesn’t change behavior—it pushes men away. They leave the room, stay out late, or shut down mentally.

Mothering and Boundaries

Melissa Louise: Emasculation often feels like mothering, which kills attraction. I saw it recently with my new lover—we have a rule: no eating before lovemaking. At a restaurant, I watched women berate their partners for minor things, like parking in the wrong spot. These were grown men, yet the bickering was insidious. It takes two to tango, but women need to stop mothering and emasculating. When we criticize, we’re not honoring men as men, and it blocks connection.

Dr. Diane: Allison Armstrong’s work changed my life and my four-year relationship. Women want to speak up about emotional distance, but we often do it by treating men like hairy women, not understanding their different wiring—focus, awareness, everything. Men want to make their women happy, but emasculation makes them believe they can’t, so they stop trying. Women keep pushing, but men operate differently.

Melissa Louise: When we speak to men differently—listening, asking questions, offering clear information—they give their all. Men let go of conflicts faster than women. I learned this raising my son in Peru, thanks to Allison. I’d hold onto fights, but he’d move on after an apology. When we stop emasculating and use supportive language, men want us more, and connection deepens.

Emasculation and Physical Intimacy

Dr. Diane: Is there a link between emasculation and ejaculatory problems or erectile dysfunction?

Melissa Louise: Absolutely. Erectile dysfunction is a signal—physical, spiritual, or mental health needs addressing. When men and women set boundaries and communicate better, things shift. I had a client who struggled with his wife’s needs after years of marriage. I told him to ask her what she wanted. He did, and it transformed their connection. He felt he was getting it right, became more attracted to her, and their intimacy improved. Men emasculating themselves—like staying in “little boy energy”—also plays a role. Women need to stop mothering and support men as equals.

Upcoming Retreats and Safety in Pleasure

Exciting Opportunities for Growth

Dr. Diane: Let’s wrap up part one. Melissa, you have exciting retreats coming up—a feminine retreat and a couples’ retreat. Tell us about them.

Melissa Louise: I’m heading to Europe for April and early May. I’m hosting all-women’s workshops in London and Romania, possibly Spain. These are two-day workshops focused on safety in the feminine body, opening to pleasure through somatic practices and rage rituals. In London, I’m co-creating a couples’ retreat with my colleague Alex, focusing on ravishing your partner—delicious and sexy!

Dr. Diane: Safety is a key to female pleasure. Layers of blocks, often tied to safety, hold us back. Each layer we uncover levels up pleasure and orgasms. Your retreats sound powerful for unlocking this.

Melissa Louise: Safety is deeper than physical—it’s emotional, heart-centered. Studies show that during deep orgasms, a woman’s brain lights up, except for areas tied to safety. We need to feel safe to be fully ourselves, without fear of abandonment or judgment.

Closing and Next Steps

Dr. Diane: Everybody, check out Melissa’s work and Instagram. Links to her retreats and offerings are in the show notes. Join the Modern Libido Club for part two, where we’ll dive into orgasms, desire mismatch, and more juicy topics. Thank you, Melissa, for being here!

Melissa Louise: Thank you, thank you, thank you for having me!

Dr. Diane: Thanks for listening to the Libido Lounge. Please share this with your friends. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!