Welcome to the Libido Lounge

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is as important to health as exercise and good food. Everybody, welcome back to another episode of the Lounge.

In this particular episode, we’re going to talk about the emotional ecosystem—specifically for women throughout their lives. I’ll tell you a little bit about the science behind why moods change, what’s going on hormonally, and what I really wish we were taught as young girls.

The Link Between Serotonin and Libido

Dr. Diane: I’m going to start by talking about the hormone serotonin. This is deeply connected to libido because, typically, if we don’t feel happy or great in our bodies, we’re not very motivated to engage in sexual intimacy.

There’s a relationship where when we feel good—happy and full of energy—we tend to have more capacity to engage sexually. I see this in couples I work with: if someone gains weight, loses a job, or has something impact their confidence, sex often goes out the window.

One major reason for this, especially in women, is how estrogen impacts serotonin. Estrogen helps the body utilize serotonin—the happy hormone—so at times in the menstrual cycle when estrogen is higher, we often have a happier outlook and may feel more sexually interested.

Hormonal Shifts and Emotional Changes

Dr. Diane: During menstruation or perimenopause, estrogen falls, and with it, serotonin levels drop. This can lead to mood changes, which can be confusing for both women and their partners. I wish we were taught more about this in our youth.

In menopause, estrogen falls dramatically, and the body must re-regulate. This process can lower serotonin utilization, leading to sadness, lack of motivation, and reduced libido.

And let’s not forget testosterone—another major player. When testosterone levels drop, which also happens during menopause, libido often drops too. So, emotional changes are very much tied to this hormonal interplay.

Supporting Serotonin Naturally

Dr. Diane: So what can we do? We’ve previously talked about hormone replacement therapy and bioidentical hormones. In addition, you can support serotonin production naturally with nutrients like 5-HTP, SAM-e, and B6.

Also, oxytocin—the love, cuddle, and orgasm hormone—boosts serotonin. Nonsexual ways to increase oxytocin include hugging and cuddling. A simple daily hug with your partner or even holding hands with friends can help maintain emotional balance.

The Role of Stress in Libido

Dr. Diane: Stress kills libido. It lowers oxytocin and negatively impacts hormones like thyroid and sex hormones. It’s a major player in the emotional ecosystem and needs to be addressed in tandem with hormonal health.

Emotional Safety in Relationships

Dr. Diane: Emotional safety is another critical, often overlooked factor. Women can feel emotionally unsafe due to seemingly simple interactions—like a sharp tone or being ignored when they set the trash by the door expecting help.

These moments can trigger a feeling of being unappreciated or alone, which stems from how estrogen affects brain activity and emotional processing. The female brain, with estrogen’s influence, is highly attuned to emotional nuance.

Understanding the Male Brain

Dr. Diane: Meanwhile, testosterone in the male brain leads to focus and task-oriented behavior. So, when a man walks past the trash or responds curtly, it’s often not intentional—it’s just his brain focusing on getting to work or achieving a goal.

This mismatch leads to a cycle. She feels dismissed, he feels attacked, and the emotional safety erodes. What’s key here is understanding that these behaviors stem from real, scientific brain differences—not malice or disinterest.

Bridging the Gap with Communication

Dr. Diane: I learned about these dynamics through the work of Alison Armstrong, who explores male-female brain differences. Brain imaging studies back it up: estrogen and testosterone direct blood flow in the brain differently, which affects our responses.

When we understand this, we stop assuming the worst. Women can begin to ask clarifying questions like, “Hey, I noticed a tone earlier—are you upset with me?” That one question can diffuse a whole spiral of storytelling and self-doubt.

Strategies for Emotional Safety

Dr. Diane: Creating emotional safety starts with not assuming. If your partner didn’t take out the trash, instead of getting upset, ask, “Did you notice it? Could you help me with it?” More often than not, the response is something like, “Oh, I was so focused on work, I didn’t even see it.”

These moments of clarification build trust and safety. You start working together in your emotional ecosystem, both feeling supported, understood, and connected.

Hormones, Connection, and the Big Picture

Dr. Diane: From thyroid to adrenals, sex hormones to oxytocin and serotonin—our emotional ecosystem is complex and ever-changing. These hormone levels fluctuate through the month, year, and life stages, directly impacting libido.

But through cuddling, communication, and consistent emotional connection, we can regulate these shifts and support a thriving, loving relationship.

Dr. Diane: That’s it for now. Thank you for joining another episode of the Lounge. This is Dr. Diane reminding you to stay classy, stay sexy, and stay a little badassy.

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