Gracefully Power Through Menopause with Naomi Harris

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is as important to health as exercise and good food. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode on the Libido Lounge. I’m your host, libido expert Dr. Diane Mueller, and I’m really excited about my next guest.

This is Naomi Harris. She is a sexual pleasure and genital pain specialist, and she is getting ready to launch this amazing online summit in just a couple of days. I will be interviewed in that! The name of the summit is called The Menopause Revolution. We’re going to talk about that later in the show—what I’m talking about in it and what Naomi is doing.

It’s an exciting time because we’re going to tease the summit a little bit in this episode. We’re going to talk about the importance of the transition into menopause, how we do that well, why it impacts our sex life, love life, confidence, and how to do this with more ease and grace.

This will be a short conversation, of course, but this topic is so important we’re not going to leave you hanging. Stay until the end and check the show notes—we’ll have registration links where you can sign up and get more information.

Dr. Diane: Welcome, welcome, welcome! I’m so happy to have you today, Naomi.

Naomi Harris: Thank you so much, Dr. Diane. I am so happy to be here and to be talking about this incredibly important topic.

Why Are Women Told to “Just Deal With It”?

Dr. Diane: It really is important. I had a patient who started going through menopause and when she talked to her doctor, they practically said, “You just have to deal with it because all women go through it.” That’s appalling to me. So why are we not taught more about menopause, and how can we go through it with more grace and ease?

Naomi Harris: That experience is so common. Women go to the doctor, say they’re having symptoms, and they’re told they’re too young or to just deal with it. But perimenopause—the time before official menopause—is hugely impactful on a woman’s life. It affects mental health, relationships, and the physical body. What do you do when you’re in a happy relationship and suddenly don’t want to be touched anymore? Or when you start getting vaginal pain, or can’t orgasm the way you used to?

So many changes can happen, and women are just dismissed. That’s why I called it The Menopause Revolution. We need better care and better conversations.

The Confidence Crisis of Midlife Women

Dr. Diane: That makes so much sense. And I just want to add for younger listeners: the best time to prepare for menopause is before it starts. One thing that’s often overlooked is the loss of self-confidence. Why do you think that happens?

Naomi Harris: There are many reasons. Our society values youth. Aging faces and bodies are seen as less beautiful. We’re not taught that we can be beautiful at this stage of life. Then our bodies start changing—weight shifts, workouts don’t work the same way, clothes fit differently. And we start becoming less visible in society—less attention, less validation.

Even things we might have complained about before—like being catcalled—suddenly stop. And while that might seem like a relief, it can be a shock to realize you’re not seen anymore.

The Role of Media and Hormones in Our Self-Worth

Dr. Diane: I was rewatching Sex and the City recently, and it hit me how those women seemed so old when I was in my 20s. Now I’m in my mid-40s, and I realize they were my age! The media really plays a role, doesn’t it?

Naomi Harris: Absolutely. And it’s not just about beauty—it’s about worth. Menopause is confusing. The range of symptoms is wild. It’s not just about periods. You might grow whiskers, lose hair, get joint pain, body odor, or even smell onions when there are none! Plus, relationships need more attention, and the medical system doesn’t usually support this complexity.

Dr. Diane: Right. And it all affects libido. The drop in confidence, brain fog, dryness, pain—all of it. And if you’re in a relationship, it affects your connection. The brain’s chemistry is changing too. So where do we even begin when it comes to supporting libido and intimacy?

Supporting Libido Through the Change

Naomi Harris: The most important thing is to really see the person. Everyone’s experience is different. Women are still juggling work, caregiving, and so much more. They’re trying to keep it all together while going through all these changes.

So, I try to listen first. What’s actually going on? What’s shifted? Then we can start unpacking it, and look at what can be done to help her feel good again—inside and out.

Dr. Diane: What I’m hearing is: give yourself a break. It’s like being a teenager again with hormones changing and confusion, except now it’s in our 40s or 50s. We thought we were done with this!

Naomi Harris: Totally. Be kind to yourself. And get support where you can. Whether that’s through alternative practitioners or free resources. In the summit, every speaker has offered free gifts—books, downloads, guides. Even five minutes a day for yourself can help. Do a little something each day to stay connected to yourself.

Pelvic Pain and Pleasure: It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way

Dr. Diane: One more thing I want to touch on: pelvic pain. It affects so many women and is often a precursor to other issues like incontinence. Where do you start if someone is dealing with pelvic pain?

Naomi Harris: First, I look at the whole person. Childhood trauma, early experiences, painful periods, sexual history, body image—all of it matters. Do you like your partner? Do you enjoy the sex you’re having? If not, your body may be saying, “This isn’t working.”

There are so many potential causes—gut issues, microbiome imbalances, food intolerances. You need a detective to get to the root and start transforming pain into pleasure.

Dr. Diane: Yes, and I often compare it to a car accident. When we brace in a crash, our muscles hold onto that trauma. The same happens in the pelvis—clenching and protecting, especially if we’re not enjoying sex. That memory lives in the body, just like physical trauma.

Naomi Harris: Exactly. That locked muscle tension becomes chronic until we address it.

A New Era of Empowerment

Dr. Diane: It’s been so lovely talking to you. I’m really excited about the summit. The link to register is in the show notes—and it’s totally free, right?

Naomi Harris: Totally free! And I’m super excited about our conversation in the summit too—we’ll be talking about how this can actually be the sexiest time of your life. It doesn’t have to mean the end of pleasure!

Dr. Diane: I know—we’re going to surprise people with that title! But that’s the point. We’re here to shift the narrative.

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