Welcome to the Libido Lounge

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is just as important to health as exercise and good food. Hey everybody, welcome back to the lounge! Today, we’re talking about empathy in intimacy—such an important topic, especially for us women.

Why Empathy Matters in Intimate Relationships

Dr. Diane: It’s very common to feel unheard or misunderstood in a relationship. Sometimes there’s that thing you didn’t bring up because you thought you were overreacting or didn’t want to make a big deal. But when those things aren’t addressed with empathy and validation, they can fester—and that disconnection can lead to a loss of libido.

I look at libido as a marker, a flag for a lot of different things in health and relationships. Low libido can point to physical issues like problems with vasculature, neurological systems, hormones, nutrient deficiencies, thyroid or adrenal dysfunction.

Then, there’s the emotional side: stress, overwhelm, depression, anxiety—even medications can play a role.

Interpersonal Dynamics and Libido

Dr. Diane: Interpersonal causes of low libido often stem from how we relate to ourselves and our partners. If you don’t feel confident or sexy, it’s a lot harder to want to get naked and feel turned on. And if you don’t feel safe, loved, or respected in your relationship, your desire can shut down.

How do you communicate with your partner? Do you feel heard? Understood? Supported? These things matter deeply.

Understanding Male and Female Brains

Dr. Diane: The differences between male and female brains are vast and often misunderstood. Books like Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and the work of Alison Armstrong have been so eye-opening for me.

Often we assume our partner thinks or processes like we do, and when they don’t, it leads to conflict or disconnection. For example, a woman may see a man zoning out in front of the TV and assume he doesn’t care—when in fact, his brain is simply hyper-focused, wired by testosterone.

How Miscommunication Fuels Frustration

Dr. Diane: Because we don’t intuitively understand how the other’s brain works, we tell ourselves false stories. We make meaning out of actions that aren’t even accurate. A man might think a woman is “too emotional,” when really, she’s biologically wired to feel deeply and take in massive amounts of environmental and emotional data.

Men, on the other hand, aren’t ignoring you—they’re just not wired to absorb that much sensory input at once. Their brains are built for focus. This is not good or bad—it’s just different. And that difference is crucial to understand if we want to foster empathy.

Sex, Stress, and the Brain

Dr. Diane: Let’s talk about how stress impacts libido. A man has a stressful day at work and often feels revved up and ready for sex. A woman goes through a similar day and just wants to sit on the couch with a glass of wine. That’s because orgasm can help men reset their focus, while women need time to decompress and get out of their heads before they can connect physically.

So what do we do when both partners have had long, hard days? Maybe he needs sex to unwind, and she needs space and nurturing to get there. What if he took over with the kids, cooked dinner, or gave her time to take a bath and vent about her day? That might open the door to connection.

Scheduling Intimacy With Intention

Dr. Diane: Sometimes, sex just won’t be on the table—and that’s okay. But it’s critical to plan for intimacy. Without a plan, we fall into patterns. Just like with working out—if you say, “I’m going to exercise,” it won’t stick. But if you say, “I’ll be at the gym at 7am,” you’re far more likely to follow through.

Same with sex. If we don’t schedule it or talk about it, the days turn into weeks, then months. Before we know it, we’re having sex once a quarter—or not at all. And that’s where problems begin.

Libido as a Wellness Barometer

Dr. Diane: Libido is a fantastic barometer for overall wellness. It tells us how we’re handling stress, if we’re practicing self-care, and whether we’re taking the time to relax and reconnect.

Think about how libido spikes on vacation—it’s because the stress is gone. You’re out of your daily grind and fully present in your body and your pleasure. That’s why people call them “sexcations.” The body relaxes, and the desire returns.

Prevention Is Everything

Dr. Diane: I’m passionate about preventative wellness, whether we’re talking about preventing diabetes, insomnia, or relationship breakdown. We want to get ahead of these things—make plans, build routines, and stay connected.

Yes, we all have stressful days where sex is the last thing on our mind. That’s normal. But it’s the plan that keeps us from slipping into disconnection. We want to recover, reconnect, and reboot the relationship before that “small problem” becomes a long-term issue.

Final Thoughts

Dr. Diane: I hope this episode has been helpful for you. I absolutely love talking about these topics. Please don’t keep me a secret—share this with your friends!

You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!

Stay classy, stay sexy, and stay a little badassy.