Welcome to the Libido Lounge

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is just as important to health as exercise and good food.

Everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Libido Lounge. I am your host, Dr. Diane, libido expert.

Today we’re talking about juggling jobs and joy. How do we keep passion alive in long-term scenarios where we’re often busy, stressed out, overwhelmed, overworked—and subsequently, underloved?

“Relationships Shouldn’t Be Hard Work”

I sent out an email recently saying I don’t like the statement “relationships have to be hard work.” Someone actually wrote back and asked if I was on drugs for saying that!

But the frame I’m really trying to get at—and what I want to talk about today—is the mindset around effort in our relationships, jobs, joy, and more.

We often say everything is hard work, but that framing can drain the joy. Sure, anything worth having takes effort—whether it’s your relationships, your body, your career—but effort doesn’t have to feel heavy.

Reframing the “Hard Work” Mindset

I like to reframe this idea. What if instead of saying “relationships are hard work,” we say, “anything great in life is worth putting effort into”?

When we’re overwhelmed and trying to juggle everything—career, family, health, love—it can feel like there’s no time for joy. But just like you carve out time for the gym, you need to make space for joy and pleasure.

Prioritize Your Oxytocin Moments

We make time for the gym, right? A 6:00 a.m. class, a post-work sweat session—it’s scheduled.

So why don’t we do the same for joy? These are our oxytocin moments. Joy, connection, pleasure—all of these are natural stress reducers, but we have to plan for them.

Even when life is full of kids’ activities, work stress, or caring for family, we can’t pour from an empty cup.

Schedule Your Joy

Yes, mindfulness and meditation are great for stress—but let’s not overlook oxytocin! This hormone of pleasure and connection can also:

• Balance stress
• Improve sleep
• Boost happiness

I was just with the wonderful Sam Horn, who has a new book titled “Someday is Not a Day of the Week.” And she’s right—if we wait until someday to prioritize our pleasure and joy, it may never come.

Set 90-Day Pleasure Goals

In business, we set 90-day or annual goals. But what about pleasure goals?

Pleasure isn’t frivolous. Our bodies are designed for it. We have pleasure receptors everywhere. It’s part of our design for balance, resilience, and stress reduction.

Let’s start setting 90-day pleasure goals like:

• Spending 2 minutes before bed gently stroking your skin to wake up sensation
• Eating a meal with full focus and presence
• Giving your partner a 20-second hug

The Power of the 20-Second Hug

A 20-second hug sounds simple, but it’s powerful. It increases oxytocin, strengthens bonds, and balances your nervous system.

My amazing friend Emily Wishall reminded me of this during a recent retreat. She said, “Nobody leaves without a 20-second hug.” It makes a huge difference.

We’re all busy. But if we can integrate small moments—like a longer hug or a mindful cuddle—we reduce stress and increase connection.

A Cuddle a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

I’ve started saying, “A cuddle a day keeps the doctor away.”

Whether it’s with your partner, your pet, or your closest friends, that physical connection matters. During my glamping trips with girlfriends, we’ll sometimes just lie in my big tent together, cuddling and laughing—completely platonic, but deeply nourishing.

It’s about connection, not necessarily sexual intimacy. And we can bring this into everyday life.

Habit Stack Your Way to Pleasure

The book Atomic Habits by James Clear talks about habit stacking. Attach your new pleasure practices to habits you already do:

• Add 15 seconds to your goodbye hug
• Have a mini cuddle session before sleep—you’re already in bed!

These small moments of pleasure and connection help us show up more present and intentional with our partners. More oxytocin means less stress, better sleep, and more joy.

Make Pleasure Your Priority

I hope this episode helps you rethink the way you approach joy and intimacy. Don’t save pleasure for “someday.” Start stacking little moments of joy and oxytocin today.

Please drop a comment or message me—I love hearing from you and learning how I can serve you better.

Be sure to check the show notes for my Libido Quiz, which will help you uncover the physical root causes behind any libido imbalances.

And remember…

Stay classy, sexy, and a little badassy.

You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!