Welcome to the Libido Lounge

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is just as important to health as exercise and good food.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode on the Lounge! Today we’re diving into polarity play—a deeply important topic whether you’re single, in a new relationship, or have been in a committed one for years.

What Is Polarity Play?

Dr. Diane: Polarity play is based on the Laws of Attraction and about embodying different aspects of ourselves. My understanding of this actually deepened through one of my doctorate degrees in acupuncture and Oriental medicine, where so much of the philosophy is rooted in opposites and the power of poles.

We’re constantly balancing these opposing forces—what I often call the Mover (yang, fire, action) and the Receiver (yin, water, rest, structure).

Real-Life Polarity Examples

Dr. Diane: To understand this in a nonsexual context, think about nature: during the day, you’re productive and outward-focused—that’s yang. At night, you rest, heal, and go inward—that’s yin. These forces are always in us. If you’ve seen the yin-yang symbol, it’s literally representing these dual forces within us at all times.

Polarity in Sexual Relationships

Dr. Diane: Sexually, we often feel a magnetic attraction when one partner embodies one pole and the other embodies the opposite. A classic example? One person is on top (the Giver) and the other on the bottom (the Receiver).

This idea of sexual polarity plays out in our foreplay, in the way we speak, in the energy we bring—not just in physical positioning.

The Classic Polarity in Cisgender Hetero Relationships

Dr. Diane: Traditionally, in cis-hetero relationships, the masculine energy often embodies more of the giving, fiery, dominating role. The feminine often takes on the more receptive, nurturing role. But one powerful way to bring novelty and intimacy into long-term relationships is by switching roles.

Let the Receiver become the Giver, and vice versa. Start asking yourself—what’s your default role? What would happen if you flipped it?

Discovering Your Default Polarity

Dr. Diane: Do you usually initiate sex? Do you control the speed or positions? Are you more dominant in foreplay? Then you might be naturally embodying that yang force.

Or do you find yourself more in the receiving role, letting things unfold, going along with your partner’s lead? That’s the yin energy. Neither is right or wrong—they just are.

Exploring the Opposite Pole

Dr. Diane: Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you can explore this. For example, in solo play, try embodying the Giver—go faster, take control. Or lean into being gentle, slow, sensual—the Receiver.

You can even make this playful. I recently interviewed Marlo Fisken, a movement expert, and she shared an amazing exercise: one partner pretends to have a remote control and tells the other how to move—faster, slower, change direction, etc. It’s a fun way to explore direction and submission in a non-sexual context that builds connection.

Playful Ways to Explore Polarity

Dr. Diane: These embodiment practices are great for intimacy and fun. You don’t need to be in a long-term monogamous relationship—you can do this with a new lover or even explore it within yourself.

Understanding how these poles live inside us helps deepen our self-awareness and attraction dynamics, regardless of gender identity or orientation.

Polarity Is Human, Not Gendered

Dr. Diane: While we may often see patterns in hetero relationships, polarity isn’t about gender—it’s about energy. Masculine, feminine, Giver, Receiver—these are human forces.

Ask yourself: what’s your natural energetic tendency? And how can you stretch yourself to explore the other?

The Power of Novelty

Dr. Diane: One of the biggest takeaways here? Novelty matters. Familiarity is powerful, but it can lead to sexual ruts. Novelty brings us back into our bodies, enhances hormone production, increases dopamine, and reactivates desire and connection.

We All Contain Multitudes

Dr. Diane: The ancient texts I’ve studied remind us that we all contain a range of forces. Even as a fiery person myself, I know I also have softness, receptivity, and structure. Like introverts who still need social connection or extroverts who occasionally crave solitude, we are not just one thing.

Sexually and personally, when we explore beyond our default tendencies, we become more well-rounded—not just as lovers, but as human beings.

Final Thoughts

Dr. Diane: I hope this helps you understand the concept of polarity in a deeper way. Please drop your questions in the comments—I love talking about this.

And always remember:

Stay classy. Stay sexy. Stay a little badassy.

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