The Libido Lounge: What’s Normal When It Comes to Libido?

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is as important to health as exercise and good food.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of the Libido Lounge! On this episode, I really want to talk about what is normal—particularly what’s normal as far as libido and the aging process.

Libido Through the Ages: What’s Typical?

Dr. Diane: One of the most important things to note is that it’s completely normal to have ebbs and flows of libido over the years. Some of the biggest changes for women often happen during the onset of menopause due to the hormonal shifts. Men experience changes too—what we call andropause—with drops in testosterone that also affect libido.

When Are People Most Open to Exploring?

Dr. Diane: I’m a data girl, so let’s look at what the research says. One stat that caught my attention is that people are most likely to try new things, like anal play, in their 40s. That’s also when we see high activity levels with vaginal, anal, and oral sex in heterosexual couples. It’s tied to the concept of novelty—something I talk about a lot—because novelty stimulates dopamine and keeps passion alive.

Sex After 60: Still Going Strong

Dr. Diane: Another great data point: 72% of individuals under 60 are sexually active, but so are 57% of people over 60. In fact, STI rates in nursing homes are quite high! The most common reason for decline in sexual activity among women is lack of interest, while for men, it’s usually health-related.

Interestingly, only 6.7% of men stop being sexually active due to a lack of interest. That’s a huge indicator of how different libidos can be and how much health plays a role.

Emotional Safety: The Female Libido Trigger

Dr. Diane: For many women, emotional safety is everything. If we feel emotionally unsafe—even from something like a tone our partner used in the morning—it can shut down our ability to respond sexually. Men, on the other hand, tend to think about sex multiple times a day, while women might only think about it a few times. That’s a huge discrepancy!

When men can have their sexual needs met, they often feel more able to focus and show up in other parts of life. So that emotional and physical gap between partners? It’s worth working on—together.

Purpose = Passion

Dr. Diane: Here’s a fascinating finding: women who continue working or have a sense of purpose as they age often have higher libidos. Why? Because feeling purposeful translates to higher energy, better mood—and better sex.

I’ve seen this in my own life. When I’m engaged in meaningful work, especially helping others through education and empowerment, my libido is higher. When I’m bogged down in busywork? Not so much. So if you’re struggling, ask: What fills me up?

Desire vs. Reality

Dr. Diane: Research shows 52% of people want sex at least weekly—some even daily—but only 40% actually experience it that often. This gap between desire and reality makes the case for self-pleasure as an important practice. It supports health in so many ways—lower cortisol, better sleep, and stronger pelvic floor muscles.

Sex Takes Longer with Age… But That’s Not a Bad Thing

Dr. Diane: Nearly 100% of men and women report it takes longer to get aroused after age 60, and orgasm quality may decrease. This is often due to changes in blood flow to erectile tissue. So what’s the solution? More foreplay.

Good news: as we age, we often have more time. So take it slow, use vibrators or sexual massagers, and explore together. Blood flow equals sensation—so stimulate that tissue!

Why Men Stop, Why Women Stop

Dr. Diane: Again, men typically stop having sex because of health or not having a partner. It’s rare that they just lose interest.

For women, though, the reasons are often emotional—shame, guilt, depression, or unresolved conflict. Shame and guilt can be useful when we’ve truly done something wrong—but they’re dangerous when they linger and become self-perpetuating. Especially when it comes to sex.

The Shame Factor and How to Hack Your Mind

Dr. Diane: Sexual shame often comes from cultural, religious, or personal beliefs—and it’s damaging. It disconnects us from pleasure.

I love a tool I call the Hack Your Mind exercise. Try this: throughout the day, write down what comes to mind when you think about sex, your libido, or being intimate with your partner. First thought, second thought, third thought. Do this multiple times a day to identify patterns or emotional blocks.

Libido Quiz and Root Causes

Dr. Diane: If your first thought about sex is “I’m too tired,” then the root might be adrenal or thyroid fatigue. To help, I created a free libido quiz: libidoquiz.com. It’ll help you identify your top root causes and give you direction on what to explore next.

Wrapping Up: Let’s Normalize Libido at Every Age

Dr. Diane: In conclusion, libido looks different for everyone—and that’s okay. But ideally, engaging sexually once a week provides hormone balance and many health benefits. That’s manageable for most couples, even with kids and careers.

Libido doesn’t have to disappear with age. For many, it actually gets better. There’s freedom, less stress about pregnancy, and a growing sense of confidence. Testosterone still plays a key role post-menopause, and we’ll dive into that in future episodes.

So don’t give up—some of the best sex of your life can still be ahead of you.

Stay sexy. Stay classy. And always remember to be a little badassy.

Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge. Please don’t keep me a secret—share this with your friends!

You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!