The Link Between Infertility and Low Libido

with Dr. Aumatma Simmons

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is as important to health as exercise and good food. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of The Lounge. I’m your host, libido expert Dr. Diane, and I’m so excited to introduce my friend and colleague, another naturopathic doctor, Dr. Aumatma Simmons. She’s hosting an amazing online event coming up, talking about infertility and libido—and how these things really intersect is what we’re diving into today. I’m thrilled to have you here, Dr. Aumatma, thank you for joining me!

Dr. Aumatma: Thanks for having me, Dr. Diane!

The Vicious Cycle of Pressure and Performance

Dr. Diane: Let’s jump right in. Can you share how you see libido and infertility connecting, especially around this vicious cycle people fall into when they’re trying to conceive?

Dr. Aumatma: Absolutely. People often start their fertility journey thinking it’s going to be fun—lots of sex, lots of connection. But then reality sets in. You’re told to time your sex, only do it every other day during the fertile window, and suddenly it becomes mechanical. That spontaneity, the liveliness, is gone.

Each person experiences this differently. Some enter it with lots of energy, but even that maxes out at around 12 months—which just so happens to be the time doctors suggest trying before any testing. So now, you’re drained, and each month after that becomes “extra.”

And it’s not just women. Often, men disengage even faster. They don’t want to feel like they’re being called home for a job. The pressure makes both partners shut down emotionally and sexually. If we could be more aware from the beginning, the whole dynamic could be different.

Scheduling Sex vs. Scheduling Intimacy

Dr. Diane: I love how this speaks to something bigger—even beyond fertility. This pressure shows up around libido and intimacy in general. I talk a lot about scheduling sex, especially for busy parents or couples whose routines have dulled their intimacy. But you’re highlighting something critical: when sex becomes a scheduled requirement for conception, the playfulness is gone.

Is there a mindset shift we can make so scheduled sex becomes fun again—even when trying to conceive?

Dr. Aumatma: Yes! The biggest shift is actually quite simple: instead of scheduling sex, schedule intimacy. Plan to be naked and sexy together. It doesn’t have to result in penetration. It can be flirting, cuddling, massage—anything that builds that closeness.

Science even supports that you don’t have to time intercourse exactly. Sperm can live for five to six days. If they’re already there when the egg releases, conception is very likely. And many of my patients get pregnant from sex that wasn’t “on time”—it was earlier, when they weren’t feeling pressured, just connected. That emotional and oxytocin-driven bond makes a difference.

Intimacy Escapades: Reclaiming Desire

Dr. Diane: I’ve started calling these scheduled moments “intimacy escapades.” It’s not just about sex; it’s about emotional connection, physical closeness, and building that bond again. If we can approach the fertile window like that, maybe even pretend it’s not “baby time,” we can take off the pressure and bring back the fun.

Dr. Aumatma: Yes! Bring back the lingerie, the playfulness, the teasing. When we stop saying “we just need to do it,” and instead recreate that spark, everything changes. One thing I suggest that’s really helpful? Let the partner monitor ovulation instead of the woman.

Men are actually really good at it once they learn how. It puts them back into their masculine, initiator role—and takes the woman out of the masculine role of scheduling and managing. She can relax into her feminine. That alone transforms the dynamic.

Breaking Down Fertility Myths

Dr. Diane: That might be my favorite thing you’ve said today. There are so many layers to that—biological, emotional, relational. Speaking of myths, are there any major fertility misconceptions we should bust while we’re here?

Dr. Aumatma: Oh, so many. The first one is this obsession with timing sex—based only on LH surge. That’s not enough! LH is just one hormone. It doesn’t always mean you’re ovulating.

The second is around age. We’ve now shifted from 35 to 32 as the “fertility cliff.” But that idea came from 1860s France, where women weren’t baptizing children after 35—so someone assumed they weren’t having babies. That’s not science! Yes, fertility changes with age, but we now have tests to measure your body’s fertility—your ovarian reserve, your hormone profile.

The third myth is around testing and knowing your body. Your sex drive, your cervical mucus, your hormone levels—these are all connected. Low libido might mean stress, hormonal imbalance, or both. And we can fix that! Women tell me all the time, “You fixed my sex drive, I feel amazing!” And boom—they’re pregnant. That’s because when sex drive, cervical fluid, and ovulation are all in sync, that’s a strong fertility indicator.

Beyond Infertility: The Summit You Don’t Want to Miss

Dr. Diane: That’s why I’m so excited about your upcoming Beyond Infertility Summit. Today was just the tip of the iceberg!

Dr. Aumatma: Yes! It’s a free online event featuring over 49 experts—including you, Dr. Diane. We’ve created not just interviews but masterclasses, and the whole thing is built to go deep into fertility, libido, hormones, cervical mucus, mindset, and more. It’s not just for those struggling with infertility—it’s for anyone wanting to optimize their health and sexuality.

Dr. Diane: So if you loved today’s conversation, make sure to register—details will be in the show notes. And remember, we’re inviting our top guests back for longer interviews later this year. So if you loved this, download it, share it with your friends, and help us bring Dr. Aumatma back!

Dr. Aumatma: Yes, I’d love that. Thank you!

Dr. Diane: And thank you for joining us today. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!