Anxiety’s Hidden Toll on Your Sex Life | Ep 64

Introduction to the Libido Lounge

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is as important to health as exercise and good food. Hi everybody, welcome back to another episode on the Lounge! I’m your host, Dr. Diane, libido expert, and I am so excited to have a conversation with my very dear friend, naturopathic doctor and the adrenal whisperer, Dr. Tricia Pingle. Today, we’re going to talk about something that might sound cliché because we’re diving into stress. Everybody knows that stress needs to be managed, we need to become more resilient to it, and we can’t really get rid of it, right? No human escapes stress. So, we’re going beyond the cliché today to really help you understand the direct impact stress has on your hormones, perimenopausal and menopausal transitions, andropause, hormonal changes in midlife, your age, your libido, and more. We’re getting deep into the important details. Thank you so much, Dr. Tricia, I’m so excited about our conversation today!

Dr. Tricia: I’m so excited to be here, thank you so much for having me!

Understanding Stress and Its Impact on Hormones

The Hormonal Connection

Dr. Diane: Let’s jump right in and talk about this link because so many people are aware that stress can lower libido, which is true most of the time. Sometimes stress can increase libido, but what do you see as the deeper mechanisms around stress and its impact on hormones, libido, and life in general?

Dr. Tricia: It’s really important to recognize that when we talk about stress, we’re talking about a hormone. There are four basic aspects of our hormone system: adrenal hormones, thyroid hormones, sex hormones, and blood sugar management. If you think of the endocrine system like a scale, tipping one side forces all the others to balance out. When you’re under stress, that’s one part of a big system. If you’re running from a bear in the woods, you’re not going to stop to have sex—you’ve got to run! When this happens repeatedly, especially with chronic stress, the body adapts, which is amazing. If the body thinks another bear is coming, reproduction isn’t an option, so it prioritizes survival over sex. In rare instances, stress can boost libido, but most often, the body is in a protective state, and in that state, sex isn’t a priority. Women especially need to be in a certain mindset to enjoy sex, and when we’re worrying about the next bear, we just can’t get there. It’s a complex system that all has to balance out, so all aspects are important when talking about libido.

Dr. Diane: There’s so much to be said about women having a harder time compartmentalizing. Our brains work differently than men’s, so it’s not easy to switch from a day of running from bears to bouncing into the bedroom with a partner.

Stress, Blood Sugar, and Libido

Dr. Diane: Can you talk about the direct link between stress hormones, blood sugar balance, and libido?

Dr. Tricia: If we’re talking about blood sugar, let’s say there’s insulin resistance. There’s a relationship between insulin and cortisol—they feed each other. High cortisol leads to higher insulin, and higher insulin causes stress on the body, creating an ongoing cycle. The body needs sugar to run, so if it has to choose between creating sugar to escape a bear or relaxing to connect with a partner, it chooses sugar. Any inflammatory state, disease state, or blood sugar issue is an internal stressor. I’m on a mission to redefine what stress means because I think people don’t fully understand it. If I ask someone if they’re under stress, they might say, “No, my life’s pretty good,” focusing only on external stressors like a busy schedule. But external stressors are always there, especially with technology and our fast-paced lives. The body is like a machine, a conveyor belt producing energy (ATP). All these processes—nutrients, hormones—have to happen in order to produce energy. If one part fails, like a worker not showing up to put a handle on a coffee cup, the whole system gets stressed. Internal stressors like insulin resistance or nutrient deficiencies are huge burdens on metabolism and energy production.

Internal Stressors and Nutrient Deficiencies

The Role of Nutrients in Hormone Production

Dr. Tricia: When you run from a bear and release cortisol, you deplete B vitamins and minerals, which are essential for hormone production, hormone transfer, and breaking down food into energy. If one piece is missing, the system gets stressed. We need to pay attention to both external stressors—how we think about them, how we set a mindset of gratitude, love, joy, and acceptance—and internal stressors like nutrient deficiencies, microbiome issues, or hormone imbalances. Stress is so much more than a big life event, and that’s where people get stuck. They say, “I’m doing everything right—taking hormones, eating well, exercising, reducing external stress,” but they’re not looking at what’s happening in their internal assembly line.

Dr. Diane: That’s such a great analogy! The cliché around stress comes from not looking at internal stressors we can control. From a libido perspective, we need to check blood sugar, ensure no gut microbiome issues, and address nutrient imbalances. But how do people even begin to think about whether stress is a problem for them?

Identifying Stress in Your Life

Dr. Tricia: First, realize that we all have external and internal stressors—no one escapes them. The air we breathe, the toxins we’re exposed to, the food we eat—all are stressors. Start by identifying the “bears”—the external triggers that set you off. It could be something small, like someone chewing loudly at lunch driving you insane. That’s a bear! Anytime you overreact, your body is signaling a stressor. I remember when my son was two, he waddled into the kitchen asking for a sandwich, and I snapped. I thought I was a horrible parent, but it was my body communicating stress. Be humble and recognize we all do this. You’re not a bad person—your body is trying to tell you something. Break it down: why does this bother me? How can I look at it differently? I lost my entire family tragically or young, and stuffing that down created so much stress in my body. You have to look inside, get lab work, and figure out how you want to live your life. I got to a point where I said, “If I don’t find joy and listen to my body, I won’t be here.” I’m 48 now and have never felt more energy or joy, but that came after a complete breakdown. Start by being honest with yourself, listening to your body, and finding someone to help identify internal stressors like low thyroid, insulin issues, or low testosterone.

Managing Stress Effectively

Three Questions to Reframe Stress

Dr. Tricia: Ask yourself three questions: 1) Is this worth my energy? 2) Do I have any impact on the outcome? 3) Am I going to take it on, delegate it, or let it go? More than 80% of the time, you let it go. These questions help you avoid emotional dysregulation and thought loops that keep you stuck.

Dr. Diane: I love those questions! So much stress comes from subconscious thought loops. If someone is stuck in a cycle of reacting and feeling justified, how do you help them remember to ask these questions in the heat of the moment?

Dr. Tricia: Practice. Ask yourself questions all day long. Women especially catch themselves in the mirror and start criticizing—catch that moment and reframe it. For me, reconnecting with what brought me joy as a kid was key. I loved to dance—it puts me in the moment, forgetting everything else. Find your creative outlet, nurture your body with love and joy, and you’ll create more of that. It’s hard, but commit to yourself. You have a choice: make today a good day or a bad day. Stress, anxiety, and worry are often anticipatory bears that haven’t even arrived. Practice controlling your thoughts, catch yourself, reframe, and reconnect with your heart.

Building Resilience Through Flow State

Dr. Diane: That’s a great reminder to practice when we’re not hyped up, so our body has muscle memory for those high-stress moments. I love that you’re bringing up flow state. Most stress is about the past or future—things that never happened or can’t be changed. Practicing flow state helps us handle acute stress more sharply, with better focus and completeness.

Dr. Tricia: Exactly. Unloading the 80% of things you worry about that you can’t control gives you more energy, better sex drive, better hormone management, better metabolism, and lower risks of cancer and heart disease. It’s a win-win.

The Impact of Technology on Stress

Cell Phones and Constant Stimulation

Dr. Diane: What about cultural problems like cell phone dopamine hits, push notifications, and constant dings? How do you feel these are impacting us?

Dr. Tricia: Significantly. Those are bears. The body doesn’t know the difference between a phone ding and a rustle in the bushes—it just goes on alert. We’ve been trained to be stimulated all the time, and we don’t even notice. It frustrates me with kids growing up with screens, not feeling the moment or connecting with nature. We’re part of nature and meant to be in community, seeing people face-to-face. While technology like Zoom is great, sharing energy in person takes it to another level. Social media makes us less connected, despite being “more connected.” Blue zones show that the healthiest communities cook, eat, play, and support each other together. Set a hard stop on your phone—put it in a drawer. My parents used to leave work and be unreachable. We have that power. If you’re afraid to shut it off, that’s a sign you have anticipatory bears to address.

Dr. Diane: I agree. I take Fridays off to recover, so I can show up fresh on Monday. That extra day off devices makes a huge difference.

Final Thoughts and Resources

Dr. Tricia’s Adrenal Quiz

Dr. Diane: In our final minutes, tell us about your free adrenal quiz and any wrap-up thoughts you want everyone to know.

Dr. Tricia: On my website, linked in the show notes, there’s an adrenal quiz. It goes through symptoms you might not link to stress, showing you if there’s an issue at different levels of stress response. It’s free and helps guide you to understand how symptoms play together in your body’s assembly line. For final thoughts, when we’re caught in overstimulation, we get overwhelmed by the idea of change, thinking it has to be perfect. Health is cumulative, like a bank account. Put a little in every day, and it adds up. Managing stress is about resilience, not perfection. If you’re perfect, you’re not human—that’s boring! I’m the queen of resilience, falling and getting back up. Start with one choice: what to eat, which street to take. Make one choice daily toward your health, and it’ll become a habit. Don’t overthink it—stress is overwhelming, but start small.

Closing Remarks

Dr. Diane: I love the tiny habits approach—start small, and it turns into big changes. Everybody, pick your one thing today. Go to Dr. Tricia’s website, take the adrenal quiz, and check out her phenomenal book. Even as a doctor in the field, I have my own copy—it’s packed with information deeper than we could cover today. Remember, cortisol and adrenaline affect testosterone, so focusing only on testosterone replacement therapy misses the bigger picture. Stress impacts health, wellness, fatigue, brain fog, hormones, sex, and more. Take this to heart. Thank you so much for being here, Dr. Tricia!

Dr. Tricia: Thank you! We’ll dance soon!

Dr. Diane: Yes, soon! Thank you, everybody, for listening to another episode. This is Dr. Diane signing off, reminding you to always be sexy, always be classy, and always stay a little badass-y. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!