Conversations of Connection: How to Foster a Safe Space for Delicate Conversations

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is as important to health as exercise and good food. Everybody, welcome back to another episode of the Lounge.

Today, we’re talking about creating safe spaces—how to have conversations around connection, around intimacy, and more.

Why the Sex Drive Disappears After a Fight

Dr. Diane: Let me open with what might be an obvious question, but I’m curious: how many of you have ever found yourself in the middle of a fight with a partner and suddenly felt zero sex drive? Like, everything shuts off down there. Then you make up, have a great conversation, and boom—makeup sex is amazing. What’s happening there?

There’s something about that distance, that sense of emotional separation, that creates longing. Dopamine, the hormone that drives pleasure, builds as that longing grows. And when you reconnect, it all floods back in.

Especially for women, because we tend to be emotionally attuned, the emotional distance creates a block. Once that’s healed, desire returns more easily.

How to Start Difficult Conversations About Sex

Dr. Diane: So how do we begin conversations about sex and intimacy—especially when it’s about something difficult?

Maybe something happened in the bedroom that you didn’t like. Maybe you’ve been faking orgasms or disliking a particular position. These are tough conversations, but essential for connection.

We have to be careful not to bring too much up at once. Don’t come in with a laundry list. Instead, start small. For example, ask: “Hey, I’d love to talk about this position we do a lot—what does it do for you?”

You may even discover that your partner doesn’t like it either! But if they do, that’s okay too—you can talk about compromises or alternatives.

Timing and Tact Matter

Dr. Diane: Don’t have these conversations in bed or when someone’s had a long day. Set the scene so that both people are receptive.

Ask for permission before diving in: “Is this a good time?” And if the topic is sensitive—like revealing that you’ve been faking orgasms—balance it with affirmations about what you do love in your sex life.

Also, explain why you faked it. Maybe you were just tired. Maybe you wanted it to be over. Maybe you were overwhelmed. These are solvable problems, and talking about them openly builds trust.

The Power of Feeling Words

Dr. Diane: One of my favorite tools for these conversations is using feeling words, a concept from Nonviolent Communication (NVC).

Instead of saying, “It feels like you don’t care about me,” try: “I feel sad,” or “I feel disconnected.” That subtle shift avoids putting someone on the defensive.

Use words that describe your emotional state rather than accusations. You’re not denying that someone might have hurt you—you’re just owning how you feel and inviting a conversation, not a battle.

Understanding Relative vs. Absolute Truth

Dr. Diane: Everyone experiences things through a personal lens. That’s what we call relative truth. Absolute truth would be like a recording of exactly what was said. But even that gets filtered by our own interpretations.

So when you’re having these tough conversations, remember: your partner might genuinely not have meant what you thought they meant. Clarity is everything. Ask: “When you said this, I interpreted it this way. Is that what you meant?”

The Power of a Proper Apology

Dr. Diane: This brings me to a big one: the power of “I’m sorry.” And no, not just “I’m sorry you’re upset,” or “I’m sorry that happened.”

A real apology names the action. For example: “I’m so sorry I rushed through lunch and made that comment. I didn’t realize how much it hurt you.”

That’s a real apology. And it goes a long way toward healing. When people own their behavior and their words, connection becomes possible again.

Final Thoughts: Reconnect, Reignite, and Repair

Dr. Diane: When you take the time to reconnect through these conversations—to repair and reignite the emotional bond—you open the door for intimacy to thrive again.

I hope this episode was helpful. I really appreciate all of you joining me for another session here at the Lounge.

Please subscribe, don’t keep me a secret, and I’ll see you in another episode.

Reminding you to always stay sexy, stay classy, and stay a little badassy.

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