Welcome to the Libido Lounge

Dr. Diane: Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is as important to health as exercise and good food.

Let’s Talk About Anal Sex in Long-Term Relationships

Dr. Diane: Okay everybody, we’re getting into a juicy topic today. We’re talking about anal sex as a way of bringing novelty into long-term relationships.

Anal is a zone that a lot of people are trepidatious about exploring. There are so many nerve endings, and there can be so much pleasure in this part of the body. It’s a great way of mixing things up, adding novelty, and adding pleasure.

Start With a Conversation – Outside the Bedroom

Dr. Diane: So, how do you begin to do this in a relationship? First of all, talk about it outside of the bedroom. Talk about your level of interest. Talk about it in a male-female relationship. Discuss what it’s like for both people to experience anal.

I’ve seen many couples where the male is very hesitant about exploring any sort of anal penetration himself. Wherever you are in this conversation, I just hope you keep an open mind. Sometimes a little bit of play can bring a lot of pleasure.

Cleanliness Is Key

Dr. Diane: Whether you’re worried about it or not, I definitely encourage you to do anal play after bathing. Make sure you’ve had a bowel movement that day.

You can also get something called an enema bulb—an anal enema bulb. It’s a little bulb with a stem that acts almost like a tiny speculum. You put a bit of lube on it, insert it anally, and squeeze the bulb. The water flushes into the rectum and helps clear out anything left behind.

Choosing the Right Lube

Dr. Diane: Once cleanliness is taken care of, the next step is lube. A good silicone-based lube is really recommended for anal sex. I’m a huge fan of Uber Lube—I’ll put a link to my shop in the show notes.

Silicone lube is more viscous than water-based lube. And it’s really important to do this particular kind of play with someone who is STI-free or someone you trust, because anal sex is generally a condom-free zone. If a condom slips off and gets stuck, you might end up in the ER.

Start Small and Communicate

Dr. Diane: This is something that should be done with a lot of communication and consent. Start by just playing with the outer tissue using some lube. Then talk about it afterward—what did you like, what didn’t you like?

If that feels good, explore with just a tiny pinky inserted. Slowly work your way up from small digits to larger ones. Communicate every step of the way.

Moving Toward Penetration

Dr. Diane: When you get to the point of full penile penetration into the anus, make sure you’re really warmed up, use lots of lube, and go slowly. Usually, there’s a slight slide needed to get the head of the penis in, and then, with enough lube, it can feel incredibly pleasurable.

This is a very different way of playing, I know, but I’m here to help you explore new ways of enjoying novelty and hotness in your long-term relationships.

The Power of Novelty in Relationships

Dr. Diane: The biggest thing is just having a system for not getting into a rut. Think about the areas we’ve discussed before: position, people, things, and places.

And by “people,” I’m not necessarily talking about threesomes—unless that’s your thing. I’m talking about roleplaying. Have fun with it.

Make It a Monthly Ritual

Dr. Diane: I encourage you—at a minimum—to have a “switch-it-up” night once a month. Dedicate a night to trying something new. Research it, plan for it, flirt about it in advance.

It can do wonders for waking up that dopamine and desire zone. Even if it’s not the most pleasurable experience, the conversation it sparks can bring deep connection and intimacy.

Talk About It – Before and After

Dr. Diane: Talking about it beforehand and afterward helps build trust and closeness. Even if you try something and decide not to do it again, you’ve shared something vulnerable—and that’s sexy.

So open up those conversations. Ask what was pleasurable, what wasn’t, what could be different. That kind of intimate, honest communication is incredibly hot and deeply bonding.

Share the Love

Dr. Diane: Please drop your comments in the show notes, share this with your friends—don’t keep me a secret.

You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!