The Taboo of Anal Sex – Myths, Pleasure & How to Do It Right with Amy Rowan | Ep 72

Breaking the Taboo: The Truth About Anal Sex, Pleasure, and Myths

Guest: Amy Rowan, Board Certified Sexologist

Opening Thoughts on Anal Play

Dr. Diane: Anyone with a butt can enjoy anal play. Okay, keep going. Stop. Pause. Breathe. Do not start with a penis. You can keep going in very, very, very slowly. I’m going to tell you my story of the first time that I tried to have an experience that was completely like making-see-stars kind of experience.

63% of women enjoy receiving anal sex, but 77% of women have had some sort of negative anal sex experience. 52% of women orgasm during anal sex, and 29% find vaginal and anal sex equally enjoyable.

Dr. Diane: You know, the thing about anal sex, anal intimacy, is there’s so much curiosity about it—especially typically the male partner. But there’s a taboo around it, a lot of misinformation. Some of the myths—honestly, I can’t believe they still exist in 2025—like that anal sex is only for gay men. That is 100% not true.

Amy Rowan: Perfect. It’s like you look at the size of a pinky versus the size of a penis, right? It’s like, oh, this is okay. This position makes a huge difference.

Dr. Diane: Of course, the vision that most people have of anal sex… the number one thing anal sex needs is… and I made mistake number one.

Meet Our Guest: Amy Rowan, Suburban Sexologist

Dr. Diane: Hi everybody, welcome back to another episode of The Libido Lounge. I’m so thrilled to invite back a former guest that I’ve been continuing to work with in various ways, the Suburban Sexologist, board-certified sexologist Amy Rowan. Thank you so much for coming back with me today.

Amy Rowan: Thank you for inviting me back! I always love our collaborations together, and I’m really excited to dive into today’s topic.

Dr. Diane: Yeah, we’ve got a juicy topic for the audience. It’s something I’ve talked about on my YouTube channel but not much on this podcast yet—and people ask about it all the time. So we’re talking about anal today—anal sex, anal pleasure—and I know you’ve got a whole presentation prepared for us. But before we go in, I think your story of how you got into the world of sexology is so beautiful. I’d love to hear a little bit about your journey—how you left Corporate America and became a clinical sexologist.

Amy’s Journey: From HR to Sexology

Amy Rowan: Absolutely. I think the first question I always get asked is, how did you get into this? I always like to say I feel like I was born to do this. My dad, now retired, is an OBGYN, and my mom is a psychologist. So they had a baby—and it was me!

But my journey wasn’t that direct. Initially, I graduated from college and worked in human resources for several Fortune 500 companies. Then I got pregnant with my first child, and my husband and I made the decision for me to stay home. So my last day of Corporate America was the day my water broke, and then I became a stay-at-home mom. Which I loved, and I’m very grateful for that opportunity.

But any moms can probably relate—at some point, you get tired of two-feet-or-smaller people yelling at you all day. I needed something that was mine. I went to a sex toy party and learned so much—like that was where I first learned about the G-Spot. My eyes were wide open. I said, “This looks like fun, I want to try this out.” So I became a sex toy consultant.

It was phenomenal, especially after I had two more children—I’m a boy mom with three boys. I could still stay home with them but work on weekends. I built a team, earned trips—it was a beautiful addition to my life.

But at the end of so many of those parties, a woman would come up to me and say, “Amy, my husband and I haven’t had sex in a year,” or “Amy, sex is painful—can you help me?” And I knew that selling a product wasn’t enough. That broke my heart. I wanted to do more. That’s what led me to go back to school and get my sexology certification—15 months, 750 course hours.

Breaking Myths and Misinformation

Dr. Diane: That’s amazing. Let’s jump into today’s topic. Maybe let’s start by breaking down some myths and taboo around anal sex, and then we can dive into your presentation.

Amy Rowan: Absolutely. The thing about anal sex is there’s so much curiosity, especially from the male partner. But also, a lot of misinformation. One of the biggest myths? Don’t start with a penis! You need to work your way up to that—we’ll talk about a full step-by-step guide.

Another huge myth: “Can I use numbing cream?” That’s something I’ve heard a lot, especially at my parties. Don’t use numbing cream. It’s a huge mistake. I heard horror stories—especially from ER nurses—where someone used a numbing cream, couldn’t feel anything, and ended up hurt. Pain is your body’s way of saying something is wrong. When done properly and slowly, you can avoid most of the pain.

Also, don’t just get drunk and try it. You need to be present. Keep your wits about you.

Anal Sex Can Be Pleasurable—And Common

Dr. Diane: I appreciate all of that. It’s so important to be present, not push beyond limits, and be able to feel what’s going on. These are really important guidelines.

Where would you like to lead us next?

Amy Rowan: The three biggest questions I always get are:

1. Is this normal?
2. Tell me about the G-Spot
3. Let’s talk about anal.

People have the most questions about anal. I always like to start with a story—because people assume that as a sexologist, I must have always had this figured out. That is 100% not the case. I’ve made just as many mistakes as the rest of you.

So I’ll tell you my story of the first time I tried anal. I was with my long-term boyfriend in college. Mistake number one: We were drunk. He said, “Let’s try it.” I said, “Okay.” That was it. No conversation. We tried it—it did not go well. I literally flew off the bed because it hurt so much. I thought, “That was awful. I’m never doing that again.”

I’m guessing a lot of people have had similar experiences, which is why they think anal sex is off the table—it’s going to hurt, so why bother?

The Stats That Might Surprise You

Amy Rowan: I want to share some stats from the Bad Girls Bible:

• 63% of women enjoy receiving anal sex.
• 77% of women have had a negative experience.
• 52% of women have orgasmed during anal sex.
• 29% of women find vaginal and anal sex equally enjoyable.

Dr. Diane: Those are really important stats. And I imagine a huge portion of those negative experiences come from lack of education and not being properly prepared.

Wrapping Up

Dr. Diane: Amy, thank you so much for this honest, informative, and myth-busting conversation. I know this topic is one a lot of people are curious about but feel nervous to explore.

You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!