My Boyfriend Has Low Libido
What if your boyfriend has low libido? It is not unusual for partners in a relationship to have different levels of libido or sex drive. One person may simply want sex more often than their partner. Ideally you and your partner are relatively well-matched in sex drive.
But what if one person has a much lower sex drive or libido? What if it’s your boyfriend who has the lower libido? As a society, we are typically told that men always want sex.
But that might not always be true.
If your boyfriend has low libido, the first thing to do is figure out if he simply has a normal libido that just happens to be lower than yours. Or is his libido really actually low, compared to a healthy man in a healthy relationship?
If it’s the latter, that there really is something going on with his libido, then there are things you can talk about and things you can do, as a couple.
Why does my Boyfriend have Low Libido?
It is important to get to the root cause(s) of low libido. Then you can begin to unwind it and address the issue(s).
Sex drive can naturally decline with age or in longer relationships. But these are not sufficient enough reasons for a low libido. There can be physiological, emotional or even lifestyle reasons for why a man suffers from low libido. The most important thing to realize is that it is almost never about you or a loss of attraction to you.
Some Reasons Why You’re Boyfriend Has a Low Libido Might Include…
- Low testosterone can reduce libido in men. Testosterone levels go down with age. Aging, a sedentary lifestyle, excess weight or having a disease like cancer, heart disease or type 2 diabetes can lower testosterone levels.
- Mental health issues can lead to loss of libido. It could be due to depression, anxiety or substance abuse.
- Regular smoking and excess nicotine intake lower desire for sex and sexual performance.
- Likewise excessive alcohol negatively effects hormones and causes decreased sex drive.
- Medication for mental health can contribute to low libido. SSRIs, commonly used for anxiety and depression, have sexual side effects, including loss of libido.
- Is it ED? ED, or erectile dysfunction, is the inability to get or keep an erection. Low libido and ED may occur at the same time. But they are actually 2 different problems.
- Relationship issues, emotional distance, him not being over his ex or conflict in the relationship can all reduce sexual desire.
- Sexual boredom leads to low libido. And let’s face it, sex in a long-term relationship can sometimes get a bit …. dull.
- Poor nutrition affects sexual and reproductive health. For example, processed and fried foods contains phthalates, chemicals that can decrease male hormone levels and libido. He might have nutritional deficiencies that reduce libido.
- Stress is a libido-killer. Is he working too much? Is he a workaholic? Does he have a poor ability to handle stress?
- Sleep loss is another common libido-killer. Does he stay up too late watching late night TV, Netflix or video gaming? Inadequate sleep and too much time on phones & screens can reduce libido.
- Is he exercising too much? Moderate exercise is good but men who do long and strenuous workouts may develop low libido.
What to do if your Boyfriend has Low Libido?
- Talk about it as a couple. He can see a doctor for a checkup. Have his hormones, especially, testosterone levels checked. Low testosterone can be increased with diet, herbs & supplements, lifestyle changes or with bioidentical testosterone.
- Address mental health issues.
- Improve sleep through better sleep hygiene and get tested for sleep apnea.
- Weight loss improves libido and sexual confidence.
- Quit smoking, drink less, eat better, lose weight, get outside or go to the gym and get moving.
- Reduce and learn to manage stress.
- Add certain nutrients to his diet through food: zinc, in oysters, beef, nuts and spinach, is linked to testosterone. Zinc supplements can increase testosterone. Omega 3 fatty acids, found in fatty fish and walnuts, balance testosterone and other hormones and improve libido. How about salmon for dinner? Even better if you add some ginger to it. Ginger may help increase testosterone levels and improve male fertility.
- Supplements that support testosterone and libido include vitamin D, ashwagandha, fenugreek, yohimbine, vitamin B, L-arginine.
- Increase communication between the two of you. Have a respectful and gentle conversation about your sex life. What can be done to ensure both of you get your sexual needs met?
- Add novelty. Most men have better orgasms in novel situations. Whether it is the partner who is novel, or the sex is non-standard in some way, men and their libido respond well to novelty. Ask him what he wants and perhaps try new, even naughty, things together.
- Add aphrodisiac foods to his diet. Try things like dark chocolate, chili pepper, figs, raw honey, saffron and a little red wine (in moderation!).
- Plan date nights. But spice up the date nights too with exciting new things you would both like to try, even if it’s just a new restaurant.
- Whatever is going on, don’t blame yourself! It might be easy to jump to conclusions and think you are not sexy enough or some other type of lack in yourself. As women, we might be quite prone to let our minds go there. But don’t. Talk to your man and figure it out together. He might need to see a functional medicine doctor or a therapist to help him. You might need to go to couple’s therapy together. You might need to open up and talk to each other more, plan more dates and try fun new things to liven up your sex life.
At The Libido Doctor, we are here to help. We know that a healthy sex life is so important to overall health. To learn more on how to support your own libido start here with this blog.