17 May 202324 October 2023

How to Have an Orgasm

The female orgasm is incredibly confusing for many reasons. The porn industry has portrayed the female orgasm a “performance”. Females in these sorts of films often look similar in the way the orgasm. Much of the time they look put together, make similar faces, moan in similar ways, and basically reach orgasm often very easily and in very little time.

See our main page to learn more about how we support women in getting in touch with their sexuality and pleasure HERE.

There is so much that is wrong with this picture. There are different types of orgasms and different ways that orgasm is reached, unique to the individual. In addition to this, research shows that when women concentrated on their appearance, they are less likely to reach orgasm.

Therefore, being concerned about one’s facial reactions, or the way one’s stomach looks in various positions is a quick way NOT to orgasm. The fact is, how the female orgasm is portrayed is so far from the reality most of the time.

Here is a list of basic things that can help:

Be present. The more your mind wonders (which is easy for us women to do), the less it is focused on the moment. Tune into the sensations of your body.
Do what feels good. Novelty has been shown to improve sexual desire, so trying different things is encouraged. Pay attention to what you like and do not like. Do more of what feels good and communicate with your lover about what does not feel good.
Do things that help you feel sexy leading up to intimacy can help with sexual arousal, however once you are in the moment, stop worrying about what you look like. Again, pay attention to the sensations.
Communicate with your partner during and afterwards. During intimacy it can be helpful to communicate when something feels great. Tell your partner, tell them what you want more of. After the intimate experience it can be helpful to communicate on what you loved and what did not feel as good. Be careful on how you frame things as sexuality is a sensitive topic and egos can get hurt. Speak in positive terms telling your partner how deeply you appreciate your intimate life, and you are interested in communicating more on things that you bidirectionally love about what the other person is doing in bed.

Part of the problem with orgasm is the pressure that women put on themselves to have an orgasm. In hetero relationships, most men have a natural desire to provide for their female lover. Many men feel a sense of worth when they can provide great pleasure. This can sometimes make the focus of lovemaking too centered around the orgasm. When this happens, a woman can feel pressure.

The pressure adds stress, and it can be difficult for some women to reach orgasm in these situations.

It can be helpful to take the pressure off by focusing on the pleasure instead of the result. Find things that feel pleasurable and keep doing them. Normalizing that you are not alone can be one way of taking pressure off.

Is there something wrong if you cannot orgasm? NO!

Here are some stats on Orgasm and Females:

In the intricate dance of sexual intimacy, every woman’s rhythm and steps are uniquely her own. A significant 36% of women have voiced that they require clitoral stimulation to reach the crescendo of orgasm during intercourse.

An equal percentage have shared that while they can climax without clitoral stimulation, its addition enhances the intensity of their orgasms, making the experience even more fulfilling.

However, the dance isn’t always smooth. Research reveals that 20% of women find themselves in a position where achieving an orgasm remains elusive. Furthermore, 10% of women experience pain during intercourse, a factor that can significantly impact their sexual health and satisfaction.

Additionally, 21% of women express that it takes them too long to reach orgasm, adding a layer of frustration to what should be a joyous exploration of their sexuality. These statistics underscore the importance of understanding, communication, and patience in the realm of female sexual health and pleasure.

Self Pleasure: Self pleasure has been shown to really help women with learning how to orgasm. It can even help to alleviate pelvic and vulvar pain. Masturbation has been showing up in research more and more for its medical benefits.

Sex toys are now becoming approved as therapeutic medical devices.

For more information on masturbation and how it can help you read our blog:

How to Boost Female Libido

Jade egg practice can also strengthen pelvic muscles and support with orgasm and pleasure.

Read our blog on this: How to Orgasm During Sex.

References:
https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/men-women/female-health/contents/how-healthy/sexual-health
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530?src=recsys&journalCode=usmt20