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Mastering Intimacy: How to Have Sex the ‘Right’ Way

Do you know how to have sex that’s mutually enjoyable? We don’t get a lot of education or advice on this topic. It seems like people might just be too…embarrassed to talk about it. But we shouldn’t be! 

Having healthy, consensual, and amazing sex is so good for us. It has incredible health benefits. 

It reduces stress, blood pressure, and pain. It improves longevity, immunity, heart health, self-esteem, mood, libido, and sleep. With so much to offer, we should all be having amazing sex very frequently!

So…how do we go about it? How do we have Great Sex?

Once you’ve found your partner – which is a whole different topic by the way – a healthy sexual experience involves communication, consent, and mutual respect between you and your partner. 

Some steps to take to ensure a positive sexual experience:

  • Communication and Consent: Get consent through an open and honest conversation with your partner. Discuss your desires, boundaries and expectations. You want both your partner and yourself to enthusiastically consent to whatever you want to get up to. And remember, consent can be withdrawn at any point.
  • Create a Comfortable Environment: You want you and your partner to feel comfortable, sexy and safe. Make sure you have privacy. Think about the lighting, temperature and ambiance to create a sexy vibe.
  • Take Your Time: Don’t rush it. Languid and slow is sexy (although sometimes a quickie is what you both want). Depending on your mood, focus on foreplay to build arousal. Kiss, touch, try oral sex and other ways to stimulate each other.
  • Use Protection: Especially if you’re not in a monogamous relationship, use a condom to prevent sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy.
  • Explore Each Other’s Bodies: Pay attention to your partner’s responses as you explore their body. Every person is different. Take time to discover what they like.
  • Communication During Intercourse: Keep communication going throughout the sexual activity. Ask your partner if they’re comfortable or if they want to try something different. Positive communication is vital to great sex.
  • Be Attentive: How does your partner react, both verbally and nonverbally. If they seem uncomfortable, in pain or indicate something’s up, then stop what you’re doing and check in with them.
  • Focus on Pleasure, Not Just Orgasm: Great sex is mutual pleasure and connection, not just an orgasm. Take the pressure off and create a more fulfilling experience for both of you.
  • Practice Good Hygiene: Personal hygiene is important for both partners. Showering and cleaning before sexual activity is a healthy habit to get into. 
  • After Great Sex: Take time to cuddle, talk and be close. This reinforces the emotional connection between you and gives you a chance to check in with each other about the experience. 
  • Respect Boundaries: If at any point your partner is uncomfortable, asks you to stop or withdraws consent, immediately stop the activity. Boundaries are essential for a healthy sexual experience.
  • Communicate Afterwards: After the experience, check in with your partner about how they feel. Open communication helps enhance future experiences.
Everybody is different and has different comfort levels. Consensual, respectful and communicative interaction is the foundation of great sex. 
 
The Importance of Foreplay for Women
 
Foreplay is so important in a woman’s sexual experience. It creates emotional connection, intimacy, and pleasure.
 
Foreplay is a non-penetrative activity that help build anticipation and arousal, such as kissing, touching, oral stimulation and intimate conversation. For women, physical arousal is often linked to emotional and mental stimulation, making foreplay essential for creating passion and great sex.
 
Foreplay gives a woman’s body time to naturally lubricate, which increases comfort during intercourse and reduces any discomfort. Foreplay helps build sexual desire between partners. Prioritize foreplay to strengthen the emotional bond, improve communication and create a sexy and fulfilling connection. 
 
What is Genital Non-Concordance?
 
Genital or arousal non-concordance is when your genital response doesn’t match your mental or psychological level of arousal. During non-concordance, a person has a physical genital response that does not necessarily match their feelings of sexual arousal. The genitals might show signs of arousal (erection or lubrication) despite you not feeling sexually aroused emotionally or mentally. It is actually very common phenomenon. You basically experience vaginal lubrication or erection without feeling aroused. It happens to everyone — men, women, gay, straight, non-binary, transgender and everyone in between. But it’s particularly common among women. 
 
This disparity can happen for different reasons. It might be a physiological response not directly linked to conscious sexual desire. Genital non-concordance highlights how complex sexual response can be. Our genital reactions alone do not always accurately reflect our true level of arousal or desire. We need to recognize and accept genital non-concordance in ourselves or our partners in order to have consent and open communication between partners.
 
How Can You Get Yourself in the Mood?
 
Getting in the mood can be physical, emotional and mental. 
 
First, create a relaxing and comfortable environment to reduce stress and distractions. Try things that promote relaxation, such as deep breathing, meditation or a warm bath. Be in the present moment. Explore fantasies and desires through reading, erotica or visual stimuli to stimulate the mind. This is the time to break out the vibrator and explore your own body.
 
Physical touch, such as self-massage, can awaken sensations and increase arousal. Try new experiences or introduce variety to rekindle excitement. Desire can ebb and flow naturally. Gently explore what works best for you to help create a positive and fulfilling sexual mood. 
 
What about Trying New Positions?
 
New sexual positions can add novelty to your sex life. Different positions allow you to explore what feels good for both of you. Open communication is important. Talk about your desires, preferences, and concerns to create a positive experience.
 
Experimenting with positions can deepen your understanding of each other’s bodies and desires. Some positions provide more clitoral or G-spot stimulation. Others will enhance intimacy and eye contact. 
 
Try new positions with patience, a sense of adventure, and a willingness to adapt. Use pillows, cushions, or props to increase comfort and access. Prioritize each other’s pleasure and comfort.
 
Not every position will be a perfect fit, and that’s okay. The exploration and play themselves can strengthen emotional bonds and increase overall satisfaction. 
 
What is the Kama Sutra?
 
An interesting tool to use to help inspire you and your partner with new positions and new ideas is the Kama Sutra. The Kama Sutra is an ancient Indian text written in Sanskrit about erotic love. It was probably written sometime in the third century. People think it is just about different sex positions. But in fact, it needs to explore life, love, desire and social interactions. 
 
The text is divided into seven books. Each section covers different topics such as courtship, marriage, sexual techniques and the nature of desire. It focuses on mutual respect, consent and emotional connection in sexual relationships. 
 
It is still studied and appreciated today for insights into human sexuality, relationships and the complexities of desire.

We hope this short guide on how to have sex is helpful. It’s a topic we probably need to talk about more often. At The Libido Doctor, we want to break the silence and get this important stuff out into the open where it should be! 

If you don’t have a partner at this time check out How to make love with yourself or if struggling check out female sexual dysfunction

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