Introduction to the Libido Lounge

Dr. Diane: Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the Libido Lounge! I’m Dr. Diane, your board-certified sexologist and libido doctor, and I have a treat for you today. We’re diving into all sorts of juicy topics: cervical orgasms, mastering male sexual energy, the women’s arousal map, and how it can expand pleasure and orgasms. Plus, in part two of our exclusive content, we’ll explore non-ejaculatory orgasms for men, using tantra and ancient traditions to heighten pleasure, closeness, and connection, and even using sex for healing and spiritual connection. Here to guide us, I have two special guests and new friends, Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown. Welcome to the Libido Lounge, you two!

Leah: I’m so happy to be here with you!

Dr. Willow: Such a pleasure, Dr. Diane. We’re excited to dive in.

Unpacking Cervical Orgasms

Dr. Diane: Let’s jump in with cervical orgasms. I think we need to unpack a few things: what are they, how do they differ from other orgasms, and why they can be scary for many women, especially since deeper penetration can sometimes be painful. The cervix often only gets touched during gyno exams or childbirth, or maybe banged up against when someone’s going too deep too soon. So, let’s start high-level: why should we even care about cervical orgasms?

Leah: One of the things that’s so powerful about them is they have three nerve pathways that carry different types of pleasure to the brain: the hypogastric nerve, the pelvic nerve, and the vagus nerve. These nerves are also found in other zones, but what’s cool about female pleasure is that stimulating different erogenous zones connected to these nerve plexuses gives you different types of pleasure. A clitoral orgasm feels different from a cervical orgasm, which feels different from a G-spot or anal orgasm. The cervix is unique because it has all three major nerve pathways, so it’s a profound, often full-body release. Because the vagus nerve runs through it, it can really open your heart. The vagus nerve is the wandering nerve, the only one running up the front of the body to the brain, unlike others that go through the spine. So, people often liken it to a “crygasm” or “heartgasm.” There’s something unique about cervical orgasms that opens vulnerable centers. Women often feel so touched and overwhelmed by the pleasure that they cry, melt, or feel a sense of transcendence. But because the cervix is so sensitive and often feels beat up with too much friction, it requires a slow, thumping kind of touch to open up to deeper pleasure.

Dr. Willow: I’d add that it also requires a higher level of arousal. When we’re at peak arousal, the cervix and uterus contract upward, making more space for deeper penetration. That’s why getting banged too fast, too deep, too early feels bad—we’re not at the right arousal level. There are lots of nuances to achieving this type of climax. In a heterosexual experience, the head of the penis, which is tied to the heart center in reflexology, connects energetically or physically with the cervix, which is also the heart region for the female. This creates a union of masculine and feminine, dropping you out of a dualistic mindset into a state of oneness. The vagus nerve carries that oneness through the belly, gut, heart, and throat, expanding the experience of being present and in powerful, potent receptivity. The vagus nerve runs through the yin channel, the receptive channel in your body. There’s also a metaphysical component to this.

Personal Experiences and Tips for Cervical Pleasure

Dr. Diane: That’s beautiful. The awe of cervical orgasms is so striking. I hear stories of women describing this overwhelming awe, and that’s been my own experience too. The first time I had one, it felt like dissolving into nothingness, almost like the depths of meditation, but different. It’s connecting to something far beyond the body. For women and their partners wanting to explore this, you’ve mentioned going slow and allowing vaginal lengthening. Maybe the woman needs to be more in control of how the cervix is touched. Are there other tips, especially for those whose only experience with their cervix is pain from pap smears, childbirth, or rough penetration? How do we unwind or relax the cervix to experience this pleasure?

Leah: One technique I use is imagining a cone shape with fingers pointing down. You go inside with one or two fingers, gently caressing the cervix, feeling and melting the tissue. You’re moving really slowly, noticing the shape. Some women feel bruising or indentations where the cervix might be misshapen, even if it’s been removed. You gently stroke around the front, back, and lower until you’re massaging the tip. Let the person feel, breathe, and experience any emotions stuck in the tissue. Traumatic experiences, like a challenging birth, are held in the cells, and we need to unwind them. This applies to many vaginal erogenous zones—it’s not immediately awakened. We need conscious touch, energy, attention, sensitivity, and emotion through our hands to allow unwinding of a woman’s journey of having a vagina. Take a deep breath, have a moment just for her to catch up to everything she’s gone through, and bear witness, even if she’s doing it herself. You can find hot spots, burny bits, owies, bruises, heat, or even a “broken glass” sensation. You breathe through it, like unfurling a flower, peeling back layers of discomfort to find pleasure.

Dr. Willow: I love that flower analogy. It’s petal by petal. If you go into a sexual experience with the agenda of having a cervical orgasm, good luck—it probably won’t happen. It’s like Amrita; these phenomena are mysterious and come when they come. It’s about dropping into receptivity and staying present. What’s this sensation? What does it require of me? Sometimes it reminds you of past trauma, like being molested as a child. That’s uncomfortable, but if you don’t unfurl that petal, you likely won’t reach your pleasure. About 80% of women don’t have orgasms from vaginal intercourse alone, so many aren’t having sex that heals, connects, builds bones, reduces stress, boosts serotonin, lowers anxiety, improves sleep, or deepens connection with their partner. That’s what hot, modern monogamy is about.

The Spiritual and Emotional Depth of Cervical Orgasms

Leah: What’s unique about the cervix is it requires so much stillness and slowness, probably more than any other region in the body, to unfurl. That’s where sacred sex gets its juice—it forces you to settle into the moment, into presence, to be sensitive and pay attention to what’s happening in your system. You can’t do that if you’re going fast or chasing a goal. This is about curiosity and quieting, requiring a meditative skill set.

Dr. Willow: Even after years of practice, I still experience discomfort on the way to pleasure. It feels itchy, burny, uncomfortable, and part of me wants to resist. But another part knows the value of going into the sensation. Life keeps happening, and we store issues in our tissues, so we have to keep unfurling moment by moment.

Dr. Diane: What’s happening in our intimate life often mirrors our life outside the bedroom. We try to escape uncomfortable sensations—sadness, anger, disappointment—but shoving them under the rug doesn’t make them go away. They pop up in weird, icky ways. Exploring the cervix is a great analogy for practicing sitting with discomfort, giving it space and a voice, which softens and moves it. I’m curious about tantra and breathwork, especially with the womb-to-heart-to-pineal gland connection. Have you seen practices like these help with the cervix?

Tantra and Expanding Sensations

Dr. Willow: Tantra helps us expand into all sensations—yummy and challenging. If we feel pain, we contract, but tantra teaches us to expand into it. Slowing down is a key principle because when we’re going fast, it’s hard to feel the moment. Presence means accessing sensations through our five senses, which are doorways to the present. For me, it’s auditory—a single bird chirp drops me into the now. Senses help us cultivate receptivity, the feminine’s greatest superpower, which isn’t valued or taught in our society. All the Daoist and white tantra practices come in handy when awakening the cervix.

Leah: If I could teach one tantric thing to make women master lovers, it would be having educated pelvic floor muscles. Kegels might be a familiar term, but it’s about building awareness and subtle movement. When you can separate the anal sphincter, pubococcygeus, and lower abdominal recti muscles, you can play your yoni like a three-string instrument. This brings fresh, oxygenated blood to the tissue, increasing sensation and attuning your mind-body connection. By contracting, you can pull your cervix up; by hyper-relaxing, you can let it drop. I guide people through a meditative process to build a deep relationship with their pelvic floor. It’s like a shakti, juicy pump, connecting you to your sexual energy, creativity, and control over your turn-on. Masterful women can even orgasm just by pulsing and releasing their pelvic floor.

Creating Safety and Releasing Emotions

Dr. Diane: All this—senses, pelvic floor, control—helps our bodies feel safe. When we’re in fight-or-flight from trauma or triggers, we can’t tune into subtle body sensations. These practices signal to our tissues it’s okay to relax, feel pleasure, and experience joy. It’s also okay to feel fear or rage. Can you stay present with it? Sometimes rage needs to release because it’s been suppressed for years, blocking your biggest pleasure. Having a partner hold space can take the isolation out of fight, flight, or freeze responses.

Leah: Exactly. A partner can bring you back, asking, “Where’d you go? What are you feeling?” You don’t have to feel it alone.

Sponsor Break: My Libido Doc

Dr. Diane: Quick break to talk about our sponsor, My Libido Doc. We believe great sex is available to everyone—you just have to learn how. Head over to mylibidodoc.com to get your free copy of our ebook, *Five StepsTer, and you can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!

Introduction to Attachment Theory and Styles

Dr. Diane Mueller: Welcome back to another episode of My Libido Doc. I’m your host, board-certified sexologist and libido expert, Dr. Diane Mueller, and I’m thrilled to introduce you to Bev Mitelman. Bev is the founder of an incredible practitioner and relationship business called Securely Loved. Today, we’re diving into Attachment Style in Relationships, a topic I’ve touched on before because it’s pivotal for healthy connections—where people feel attached in a way that allows fluid communication, strong boundaries, and personal freedom. I’ve seen attachment theory work wonders in my romantic and platonic relationships, so this is going to be a fantastic conversation. Welcome to the show, Bev!

Bev Mitelman: Thank you so much, Diane. I’m so happy to be here with you and your audience.

Laying the Foundation: What Is Attachment Theory?

Dr. Diane Mueller: Some listeners may have heard of attachment theory, but others might be wondering, “What exactly is it?” Can you lay the foundation of attachment theory and styles, and explain why it matters?

Bev Mitelman: Absolutely, it’s a great place to start. Attachment theory began in the 1950s when researchers observed how young children interacted with their mothers, noting their reactions when the mother left and returned. From this, they identified distinct patterns. Today, we talk about attachment styles, which stem from that early work. There are two broad categories: secure attachment and insecure attachment. Within insecure attachment, there are three subcategories: anxious (or anxious-preoccupied), avoidant (or dismissive-avoidant), and a smaller group with disorganized attachment (or fearful-avoidant), who show traits of both anxious and avoidant. Why does this matter? Because everyone has an attachment style. These are patterns learned from ages 0 to 5 based on interactions with our primary caregiver. They shape how we understand emotions, trust, communicate, and set boundaries. As adults, these styles impact our romantic relationships, friendships, and family dynamics, influencing how we communicate, perceive situations, manage emotions, and cope.

Understanding Fluidity in Attachment Styles

Dr. Diane Mueller: That’s a great overview. I know you have a quiz on your website to help people determine their attachment style, which we’ll link in the show notes. But I’m curious about fluidity. With these four styles—secure and the three insecure subcategories—do people have a dominant style with triggers that push them into others? How fluid or fixed are these styles?

Bev Mitelman: Excellent question, Diane. We’re most adaptable from ages 0 to 5, so that initial patterning has a huge impact, forming a primary style and often a secondary one. For example, someone might be primarily securely attached but lean anxious, showing some anxious traits while mostly behaving securely. As we go through life, challenging moments and relationships can shift where we fall on the spectrum. It’s not rigid—you’re not just “secure” or “anxious” forever. There’s fluidity based on experiences. If you’re insecurely attached and in a long-term relationship with someone securely attached, that can be healing, moving you toward secure attachment. The reverse is less likely. Attachment styles are learned behaviors, so they can be unlearned and relearned with conscious effort and awareness of patterns that no longer serve you.

Dr. Diane Mueller: That’s so helpful. You mentioned we heal in relationships, which resonates deeply. After a past relationship, I was in therapy, worried about bringing baggage into a new one with my current partner of four years. My therapist said we heal relational wounds in relationships, which you just echoed. Is that something you see in your work?

Bev Mitelman: Absolutely. You can only do so much self-reflection alone. In romantic partnerships, your partner will trigger your wounds, and that’s purposeful—it brings them to the surface for healing. The question is: will you respond in the old, insecure way, or apply new skills and thought patterns to seek clarity instead of making assumptions? That’s where deep healing happens.

Sponsor Break: My Libido Doc

Dr. Diane Mueller: Let’s take a quick break to talk about our sponsor, My Libido Doc. We believe great sex is available to everyone—you just need to learn how. Head to mylibidodoc.com to grab your free copy of our eBook, Five Steps to Mindblowing Orgasms and Romance. It’s packed with quick tips to reignite your sex life, deepen passion, and fall in love with yourself and your partner. Now, back to the show.

Real-Life Example: Attachment Styles in Action

Dr. Diane Mueller: Let’s explore a real-life scenario to illustrate these styles. Imagine it’s date night, one partner is late, and the other is triggered, maybe due to a past where lateness felt dismissive. How would someone with each attachment style—secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized—respond?

Bev Mitelman: Great question. The word “triggered” is overused, but here it means unhealed core wounds resurfacing, which vary by attachment style. A securely attached person, who likely grew up with consistent love and emotional attunement, has few core wounds and trusts themselves and others. If their partner is late, they’d think rationally: “I hope they’re okay. Something must’ve happened. I’ll give them 10 minutes, then check if they need help.” They stay calm, not emotional.

Sponsor Break: Hot and Modern Monogamy

Dr. Diane Mueller: Quick break—did you know 80% of women don’t orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone? Too many miss out on sex that heals, connects, and sparks pleasure, reducing stress, boosting serotonin, and improving sleep. That’s what hot, modern monogamy is about. Learn more at mylibidodoc.com.

Detailed Behaviors of Attachment Styles

Bev Mitelman: Now, the anxiously attached person grew up with inconsistent emotional attunement—maybe a parent was an alcoholic, emotionally unavailable, or stretched thin by too many siblings. They know love but never got it consistently, so they chase it, often feeling “needy.” Their core wounds include “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll be alone.” If their partner is late, they might spiral: “I knew they’d leave me. I’m not important enough for them to text.” They blame themselves, tying the lateness to their worth.

The avoidantly attached person experienced emotional neglect or suffocation, like an overbearing parent or a stoic family where emotions were ignored. They become hyper-independent, disconnected from emotions. If their partner is late, they might wait 10 minutes, then leave, thinking, “They’ll call later.” They avoid conflict and vulnerability, so they won’t discuss feeling hurt. Instead, they’ll say, “It’s fine,” but give the cold shoulder, communicating through body language. They may retreat to their “cave” or numb feelings with substances.

The disorganized, or fearful-avoidant, person oscillates between wanting closeness and pushing it away. I was fearful-avoidant for much of my life, so I get this one. They’re the “hot and cold” partner, craving intimacy but fearing it. Their response depends on their partner’s style. With an avoidant partner, their anxious side emerges; with an anxious partner, their avoidant side dominates. If their partner is secure, it can pull them toward security. Their core wound is “I will be betrayed,” so they’re hypervigilant, reading cues to assess safety. If their partner is late, they might say, “It upset me you were 20 minutes late. Let’s handle it differently next time.” But repeat it, and they’re done—trust is fragile. They often come from chaotic homes with dysfunctional parents or abuse, creating a push-pull dynamic: craving connection but fearing harm.

Dr. Diane Mueller: That’s so clear. The disorganized style feels unpredictable, unlike the more consistent wounds of anxious or avoidant styles. They’re hypervigilant, almost like empaths, reading energy to stay safe.

Bev Mitelman: Exactly. They’re often called empaths, but it’s a survival strategy—hypervigilance from reading facial expressions, tone, or body language to discern, “Am I safe?”

Moving Toward Secure Attachment

Dr. Diane Mueller: For listeners identifying with these styles—maybe through your quiz—what’s one starting point to move toward secure attachment?

Bev Mitelman: These patterns live in our subconscious, guiding emotions, thoughts, and behaviors on autopilot. The first step is bringing them into conscious awareness. Read about attachment theory and styles, take the quiz, and focus on yourself, not your partner. Understanding your core wounds—like feeling unlovable or fearing betrayal—helps you see why you act certain ways, like avoiding promotions or struggling in dating. Awareness is the foundation for change, often with the help of a therapist.

Announcing Exclusive Part Two Content

Dr. Diane Mueller: In our exclusive Part Two, linked in the show notes, Bev will dive into boundaries, ultimatums, and how attachment styles play out in romantic relationships. Don’t miss it!

About Bev Mitelman’s Services

Dr. Diane Mueller: Bev, tell us about who you work with and who’d be a great fit to seek you out.

Bev Mitelman: My team at Securely Loved focuses on relationship and attachment trauma, helping people move toward secure attachment. We work on core wounds, subconscious reprogramming, boundary-setting, and emotional regulation. We offer a free 20-minute consult, and our quiz is a great starting point. I also share free content on YouTube because I believe understanding attachment theory is crucial for human behavior and self-awareness.

Closing Remarks and Podcast Outro

Dr. Diane Mueller: Thank you, Bev, for joining us. Everyone, check the show notes for the quiz, Bev’s website, and our exclusive Part Two content. Thanks for tuning into My Libido Doc. Please share this with your friends. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!