Introduction to the Girlfriend Edition

Dr. Diane Mueller: Hey everybody, welcome back to My Libido Doc podcast. I’m your host, board-certified sexologist, Dr. Diane, and I’m introducing you to a few of my friends. We’re talking today about how to keep your libido high during the ebbs and flows of a relationship or, if you’re between relationships, how to stoke your own libido so you can still have all that juicy energy to put back into your work, your lives, to help balance your hormones, balance stress, and more. This is our third and final edition of this round of the girlfriend episode. You’ll meet my friends again in a second, and we will do more girlfriend episodes in the future, several months down the road. Please do subscribe so you stay abreast of when we release new episodes. Alright, everybody, let me bring on my friends, and let’s get started.

Dr. Diane Mueller: Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of My Libido Doc. I’m your host, board-certified sexologist Dr. Diane, and I have another girlfriend edition coming up today. I have a super good treat. I’m going to introduce you to my girlfriends, and as we did last time, we’re going to use some alter-ego names to protect everybody’s privacy and talk about awkward sex. We’ll discuss how we work with awkward sex, what we do, how to make it not awkward, or how to just go with it. Today, we’re going to tell some great stories and hopefully get you laughing. First, let me introduce you to Yoni Sun.

Yoni Sun: Hi, Libido fam.

Dr. Diane Mueller: And to Venus Ruby.

Ruby: Hi.

Dr. Diane Mueller: And to Cosmos, and to our furry friend on the couch, La Rose. Alright, for our first question today, guys, awkward sex. So, let’s go there.

First Awkward Sex Story: Farting During Intimacy

Yoni Sun: My first experience with awkward sex was the first time I farted on somebody when they went down on me. It’s like, in the early times of awkward sex, it’s mortifying because we’re already building our confidence, and then to have a moment like that and have no idea how somebody’s going to respond or what to do. It could have gone so many different ways. What happened was this very kind man, we took a moment and stepped back, and I just said, “I am so sorry.”

Dr. Diane Mueller: And he did the best thing, right?

Yoni Sun: He just said, “Don’t worry about it, baby.” And he kept on going.

Dr. Diane Mueller: That’s great. I HXAI

Yoni Sun: I just love this because I look back and think what could have happened. He could have got up, been weird about it, walked out, or shamed me for it, and it could have left a scar. It’s such an important conversation for how we care for each other in these moments of awkwardness to not have those types of permanent memories and realize that human bodies do human things, and farting and queefing sometimes happen. They be making some sounds.

Ruby: They be making some sounds.

Dr. Diane Mueller: Do you feel okay farting during sexual encounters now, or do you avoid it?

Yoni Sun: I still try to avoid it. I appreciate things that feel sensual, so I try not to, but if it happens, it doesn’t feel like shame or worry anymore. It’s just something that happens sometimes, and that’s okay. Moving on.

Dr. Diane Mueller: That’s my preference too. Who else has an awkward story to share?

Sex Club Mishap in Vegas

Ruby: When I think about awkward sex, my mind goes immediately to my first and only time going to a sex club with my boyfriend at the time, now my husband. We were in Vegas for the first time, and I don’t know, have you ladies been to Vegas?

Yoni Sun: Oh, yeah, we had the best time in Vegas.

Ruby: Vegas can bring out your inner sex kitten, whether you’re anticipating it or not. It was my first time, and I wasn’t expecting it. My husband looked up a sex club, and we talked about it, made agreements, set our intentions, and went for it. I imagined dancing, angels in cages, dark and mysterious vibes, but it was none of that. It was neon and fluorescent lights, tacky and seedy. We called an Uber, 25 minutes outside the strip, already feeling uncomfortable, like, did we make a mistake? We got dropped off in this quiet, dark warehouse area. We thought, “We made it out here, might as well go in.” No music, bright lights, random people at tables, no sex happening. I zipped up my jacket to cover my ultra-sexy black cutout bathing suit and pants because it felt so inappropriate. We sat, had conversations, but nothing interesting happened. So, we had all this nervous energy, went to a room, and had sex ourselves, hoping someone would walk in, but no one did. It was the most sexless sex club I could imagine. Later, a young hot couple walked in, my husband said something, and we ended up in a room together. He started going down on me, the other couple started having sex, and the guy tried to get me and his lady to kiss, but I had cannabis beforehand, my mouth was dry, and I was too nervous to do it. We got through it, closed out the Red Rooster, and the couple drove us back to the strip. It’s a silly memory now, but definitely awkward.

Dr. Diane Mueller: That’s a great example of normalizing awkwardness, not putting words or rules or meaning behind it, just being like, “Okay, that was that.” You were very brave to try something new and go for it with agreements in place. A lot of people don’t think through potential scenarios before going in.

Ruby: I’d go to another sex club, but I want the angels-in-cages dancing vibe, like in a movie.

Cosmos: I saw something like that in Denver the other night, like a theater.

Chemistry Disconnect and Body Intelligence

Cosmos: What comes to mind for me is interesting. Both of your stories had growth opportunities, but I don’t know if mine did. It was just awkward. Many moons ago, there was a guy in my friend group. We’d see each other at parties, dinners, gatherings for months. On a camping trip, something shifted—definite attraction and sexual tension. There was this thunderstorm, and we were alone in the car reading Walden. He gave me his copy, and I was like, “Oh, yes.” Months later, at a party, we talked, rode back to his place on his bike, me on the handlebars. He made me feel safe and confident. There was kissing, some light touch, definite chemistry. But when we hooked up that night, it was just bad. No connection. It wasn’t just bad sex; there was nothing there. A dud. I was confused because I didn’t know you could feel such attraction and chemistry, and then it’s just dead. We didn’t talk about it. I was in shock, didn’t have words. I stayed the night; he was on the floor, I was on the bed. He was a gentleman. I(renderer: I just didn’t want to cuddle after. Later, I met him to pick up an earring, and that was our last one-on-one interaction. It was a weird, awkward outlier. It makes me curious about our body’s intelligence, like it knows when something’s not right, maybe tied to biology or procreation. My body wasn’t a no, but it was neutral, not charged. There was a lot of buildup for months, but it just wasn’t there.

Dr. Diane Mueller: That’s fascinating, like the body saying, “Nope, not this.” Did you take it personally, or was it just the chemistry?

Cosmos: I didn’t take it personally. I didn’t make it mean anything about me or him. I was just confused and shocked. It didn’t influence future sexual interactions. I didn’t carry it in my brain. I’ve had so much great sex; it’s not something I think about much.

Venus Ruby: Did he indicate it was mind-blowing for him?

Cosmos: I don’t think so. He made some sound effects, but I think he also felt it was awkward. I heard he had another not-so-good experience with someone else years ago.

Dr. Diane Mueller: It’s interesting how kissing was a yes, but it shifted to a no. The body can change its mind, and that’s okay. Listen to your body’s intelligence.

Cosmos: Exactly. My body wasn’t a no, but it was neutral, like, “Let’s see,” and then nothing. It was weird, especially after months of buildup.

Dr. Diane Mueller: Hot make-out sessions often indicate chemistry to come, but not always. Sometimes, it’s the journey, not the destination.

Yoni Sun: That’s true with sex in general. The journey’s amazing, but we rush to the destination. I’m very sensual, so I need a lot of touch, contact, and a slow build for the best experiences.

Normalizing Awkwardness in Intimacy

Cosmos: I feel like I have a lot of awkward sex. It happens naturally because we’re being primal, naked, messy humans. It’s like dancing—I’m not great at following a leader, so it gets clumsy, mismatched. I’ve farted so many times during sex that it’s like, “Can we take a quick pause for a hydration break?” I don’t carry it into the next experience because it’s just part of being human. One time, I was with a woman who had a big buildup, and we both came, but at the end of her orgasm, she started heavy sobbing and needed friendship. I held her hand, but it felt awkward for her, maybe because it was a vulnerable moment. It was unexpected; I was just having fun, but it was heavy for her.

Dr. Diane Mueller: Were you new sexual partners?

Cosmos: We’d been friends for years, flirted a bit, but never had sex. She visited me in Denver, and we hooked up honestly, but we didn’t discuss what our relationship would be after. She wanted more, but we lived in different cities, so I didn’t consider it. Maybe that’s what came up for her, knowing it was finite.

Ruby: That’s a good point. It wasn’t just awkward; it was unexpected and vulnerable. Her nervous system probably felt safe with you because of your friendship, allowing that release.

Cosmos: That’s nice to think about.

Dr. Diane Mueller: This conversation about awkwardness is about making it okay. It doesn’t mean anything bad or wrong; it’s just information from our bodies. It’s part of the experience.

Yoni Sun: The first time I was with my partner, I farted right after, and I was like, “This is who I am. If you’re not okay with this, we won’t work out.” It wasn’t a choice, but it set the tone.

Ruby: I love that as a sex tip. Just be real.

Dr. Diane Mueller: It’s about rolling with it, allowing humor or lightness, or recalibrating with curiosity. Awkward moments in a healthy relationship are different from the body saying, “This isn’t the person.” Both are awkward, but what we do with that information matters.

Cosmos: I’ve accidentally hit someone in the face or kicked their head with my leg during sex. You’re like, “I’m so sorry,” and you pause or get back in the moment. It’s rare because you’re moving in unusual ways.

Dr. Diane Mueller: We’re being so kind to ourselves right now.

Addressing Perfectionism and Gender Dynamics

Ruby: As women, we’re always comparing ourselves to this idea of perfection. It’s a reminder we don’t have to hold ourselves to exorbitant expectations and can just be present.

Dr. Diane Mueller: Men have performance anxiety too, especially since they’re often taking more action. I wonder if they question their performance like we do.

Cosmos: I don’t know, but it’d be cute to hear. Maybe a boyfriend edition for My Libido Doc?

Dr. Diane Mueller: Yes, I want the boys to spill. There’s something unique to the female brain, always trying to get it perfect, setting things up. The more we soften into our body and feminine essence—primal, raw, unraveled—the less performative we are. Realness brings some awkwardness because it’s unexpected.

Yoni Sun: Have you heard that saying, men need sex to feel close, and women need to feel close to have sex?

Venus Ruby: For sure. That holds true for me.

Cosmos: I’m the opposite. Sex is how I deeply feel connected and close with someone. It’s not the most common, though.

Dr. Diane Mueller: There’s research showing women often need 20 minutes of sexual engagement to get aroused, tied to needing closeness first. It’s a generality, but it holds truth.

Yoni Sun: What about one-night stands? Are they about closeness, the chase, or something else?

One-Night Stands and Sexual Dynamics

Cosmos: I have a lot of thoughts. Generally, women need more emotional connection, but individually, it varies. For some, one-night stands aren’t right; for others, they’re informative and pleasurable.

Ruby: Women tend to have more intense orgasms with a potential long-term partner, consciously or subconsciously. Maybe that’s part of one-night stands.

Cosmos: I’m a serial monogamist now, but one-night stands were a big part of my past. The novelty, no attachment, and freedom to let go were incredible. No expectations, so if it’s awkward, you can just leave respectfully.

Yoni Sun: In my 20s, one-night stands were about exploring different humans, learning, and growing. They helped me blossom into my sexual self, especially after a super Catholic upbringing. Later, I noticed deeper pleasure and orgasms in relationships, so I moved away from them.

Cosmos: I agree. They served me strongly in my sexual evolution, but now I crave deeper intimacy, likely monogamous.

Sexual Fantasies and Life Stages

Cosmos: Sexual desires change with life stages. As a queer woman wanting to get pregnant, my fantasies shifted to heterosexual men, even ones I wouldn’t normally find attractive, for stability or kindness. It was biological. Now, with a child, my fantasies are split, no longer driven by that urge.

Dr. Diane Mueller: That’s so interesting. I’d love to hear from others about similar experiences. If anyone’s listening who’s bisexual and had shifts in desire when wanting a child, or anyone with performance anxiety affecting intimacy, please share in the comments, anonymously if you prefer. It’ll help us create more episodes to support you.

Wrap-Up and Resources

Dr. Diane Mueller: Thanks to my girlfriends for being here. Go to hotterlife.com for my free eBook, Five Easy Steps to Mind-Blowing Orgasms and Romance. I’m Dr. Diane. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!