Welcome to the Girlfriend Edition

Dr. Diane: Hey everybody, welcome back to My Libido Doc podcast. I’m your host, board-certified sexologist, Dr. Diane, and today we’re diving into jealousy in relationships, love, and how to keep your libido high through the ebbs and flows of a partnership—or even when you’re between relationships. This is our third and final girlfriend episode for this round, so let’s get real with my friends Venus Ruby, Cosmos, and Yodon. Buckle up for a raw conversation that’s all about stoking that juicy energy.

Unpacking Jealousy: A Primal Emotion

What Jealousy Feels Like

Dr. Diane: Let’s start with jealousy. I’ll kick it off with a personal story. Back in my 20s, I was in an open, poly relationship with a man and a woman. We were a tight unit, but then they started spending more time together without me. It wasn’t discussed, and I felt like I was fading out. Jealousy hit me hard, mixed with rage and self-shame for even feeling that way. It was a wake-up call to learn how to sit with those emotions without judging myself. Now, when jealousy pops up, it’s fleeting because I don’t shame it—it’s just a human experience.

Venus Ruby: That’s so real, Diane. I rarely feel jealous, but when I do, it’s more with friends than my partner. It’s like, am I worthy enough? But I see jealousy as a fruitless emotion. I’m curious now, though—maybe I should let it trickle in to see what it teaches me.

Cosmos: I love that curiosity. It makes me wonder how much of our lives we spend looping in painful cycles because we don’t communicate or advocate for ourselves in those raw moments. Jealousy feels like something we avoid, like it’s icky or embarrassing to admit.

The Shame Trap

Dr. Diane: Exactly. I made a YouTube video about sexual shame, and one commenter said shame has a purpose—it signals when we’re out of alignment. Jealousy’s similar. It’s information about what feels good or doesn’t, but it can spiral into something destructive if we let it take over. The key is not piling shame on top of it.

Yodon: That’s huge. When we hide shame or jealousy, it festers. But if we share it in a safe space—with a partner, friend, or therapist—it softens. I wonder what it’d be like to tell a friend, “I’m jealous,” and have them hold space for that.

Jealousy as a Choice

Owning Your Response

Venus Ruby: Jealousy feels tied to ownership—like, this is my partner, my friend. In my relationship, we’re open about not fulfilling every need for each other. We’re attracted to others; that’s natural. If I feel jealous, it’s a sign something’s missing in us. Talking about it helps me let it go.

Cosmos: That’s leading with curiosity, not restriction. I don’t even call my relationship monogamous—it feels too confining. We’re committed, but we don’t stifle desire. Jealousy thrives in that “you’re my everything” trap.

Dr. Diane: That’s why I renamed my community the Hot and Modern Monogamy Club at mylibidodoc.com. Modern monogamy is about honesty—acknowledging attraction to others without it threatening the bond. It’s supportive, not restrictive.

Choosing Love Over Fear

Yodon: Jealousy’s a choice in how we respond, not in feeling it. It’s like fear versus love. We can choose competition or celebration with other women. I don’t always pick the higher choice, but recognizing I can choose is freeing.

Venus Ruby: For me, jealousy sparks when I feel less than someone else. I remind myself we’re all unique flavors—everyone’s worthy of love. Society trains women to compete, but we can unlearn that.

Dr. Diane: There’s a term in open relationships: compersion—finding joy in someone else’s pleasure. It’s tough but powerful. Instead of envying someone’s happiness, you feel joy for them. It’s a practice that shifts jealousy into something lighter.

Pleasure as a Tool for Balance

The Oxytocin Connection

Venus Ruby: To choose compersion or handle jealousy, don’t you need to be grounded in your own pleasure, sexual or not?

Dr. Diane: Absolutely. Pleasure isn’t just desire—it’s a requirement. When our nervous system is regulated through pleasure, we handle emotions like jealousy better. Studies show a 20-second hug boosts oxytocin by 20-40%, but an orgasm? That’s 200-500%. Orgasms help us stay calm and non-reactive, so we can process jealousy without spiraling.

Cosmos: So, should we just have an orgasm when we feel jealous?

Dr. Diane: Doctor’s orders: more orgasms! Seriously, it’s about filling your own cup so you’re not reacting from fear.

Love or Fear: A Daily Choice

Yodon: I have a note on my mirror: “Love or fear, you decide every day.” If you’re choosing love, seeing your partner happy—even with someone else—feels clear. Fear’s the opposite, but it’s not wrong to feel it. It’s human. The goal is noticing it and choosing compassion.

Dr. Diane: Compassion is an evolved state. Feeling fear or jealousy isn’t bad—it’s what you do next that matters. Maybe it’s pausing, breathing, or yes, having an orgasm to boost oxytocin and come back with love.

Keeping Libido Alive

Self-Pleasure and Movement

Dr. Diane: Let’s shift to libido. How do you keep your spark alive when you’re single or in a relationship’s dry spell?

Venus Ruby: Masturbation’s key for me, whether I’m single or partnered. It’s different from partner sex—more relaxed. With a kid at home, I sneak in self-pleasure to stay in that sensual space. Dancing also keeps my libido high; it’s not sexual but makes me feel alive.

Cosmos: I’m in a long-term relationship, and we have seasons of more or less sex. I lean into what is—like sensual massage or hand-holding—without comparing to what was. Redefining sex beyond penetration takes the pressure off and deepens intimacy.

Yodon: As someone who’s often single, self-pleasure has been huge. I’ve had profound sessions that felt like healing ancestral wounds. Dancing and strength training also juice up my body—more blood flow, more sensuality. Hugs from friends help too, platonically.

Dr. Diane: I love that. Movement like pole dancing or sensual dance gets us into flow state. And yes, masturbation deserves a shout-out. It’s not just release—it’s connection to your own body.

Redefining Sex

Dr. Diane: In a workshop, I asked, “How do you define sex?” Everyone said penetration. But expanding that definition—seeing massage, touch, or dance as sexual—reduces anxiety and opens up intimacy. It helps with challenges like erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness too.

Cosmos: That’s so true. Intimacy builds better sex. Foreplay isn’t just a moment—it’s a lifestyle.

Creative Energy and Libido

Sexual Energy as Creative Fuel

Venus Ruby: Sexual energy is like creative energy. You can birth art, projects, or ideas from it. When I’m less sexual, I channel that into creating something else, and it feels just as delicious.

Dr. Diane: That’s the transmutation of sexual energy. Whether you’re single or partnered, tapping into that creative flow keeps your libido vibrant. It’s about staying connected to what lights you up.

Closing Thoughts

Dr. Diane: This conversation has been so rich—jealousy, pleasure, choice, and keeping that spark alive. Thank you, Venus Ruby, Cosmos, and Yodon, for bringing your truth. Listeners, subscribe at mylibidodoc.com/subscribe to catch future girlfriend episodes. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, and check out our Modern Libido Club for so much more!